Your husband cheated – but well, he’s a man!

Pat Robertson: "Your husband cheated, but well, he's a man!"

By: Kimberly Dimick

A guest post by a woman after God's own heart… can you feel HIS heartbeat in Kimberly's cry for justice? Can you hear the voice of the Bride?

Pat Robertson's answer should have been that this woman is in NO WAY acting in unforgiveness. Just because she is having a hard time coping with her pain and the broken trust does NOT mean she is unforgiving. Ironically, what can keep a wife in unforgiveness and bitterness in a marriage is taking away their voice to speak the truth about how they feel.

When a wife feels that she has lost her power of choice, the power to act on truth then she grows weary, frustrated and eventually her bitter circumstances can lead to a bad place.

Robbing a wife of her right to process the pain of her husband's affair

When you rob a wife of her right to process pain, then this is denying her the right to heal from her brokenness. God heals the broken-hearted; He does not DENY that people certainly HAVE experienced something that DID break their heart to begin with. She is the RESPONDER in the marriage and she is normally reacting or responding to what her husband INITIATED. She has every right to respond to his actions and sin by expressing openly her hurt over the very REAL sins of treachery and betrayal.

It is on the husband to earn her trust back.

It is NOT on the victim to bring about Biblical reconciliation but the perpetrator. The victim makes the demands by which the perpetrator is let back into a relationship and it is up to the perpetrator to make right the wrongs he has done within his power to do so. That is good old fashioned restitution.

Forgiveness is DIFFERENT from reconciliation or restoring a relationship.

To rebuild the bond that is now torn apart and broken down, there has to be rebuilding. That means brick by brick. It means hard work, it means letting her VENT her anger and pain instead of telling her to stuff it.

How cruel and abusive, that she is told to "get over it". Healing does NOT mean making some lame excuse for her husband or lessen the effects of SIN. Her husband MUST stay completely approachable and available for her to express her pain…anytime, anywhere, in anyway and under any conditions.

She needs TIME, SPACE and the TRUTH, the whole truth and nothing but the truth from her husband.

If and when she NEEDS to revisit her pain then her husband must go there with her. If he did not want to make up for what he had done then he should have not gone there to begin with. Yes, people fail but once you have failed does not let you off the hook or you get a "get out of jail free card."

It seems to me that the very fact she struggling and praying about forgiveness is a clear indication she possesses a tender and forgiving heart. Being with her husband at all, giving him another chance…IS GRACE, that IS proving you have forgiven.

Her feelings have nothing to do with forgiveness but with needing healing from the very real wounds that she has suffered at his hands. If he does not do this then he continues to marginalize, invalidate, minimize and re-victimize her. In essence he is continuing his abuse. He is adding insult to injury. It is up to that husband to take as long as it takes to bring his wife back to a safe place of trust. How?…By letting her talk about it over and over and over again if that is what she NEEDS. Let her get the poison out he put in her spirit and heart!

Her husband's number one priority is not himself but her heart coming back to a safe and secure place of trust because he is trustworthy. It is up to her husabnd to do whatever it is his WIFE needs on her terms to be allowed back into a relationship with her.

My point is that when a minister is condoning domestic abuse by way of shifting blame onto wives for their husband's SIN, it is stepping over the line. That counsel is exactly WHY the divorce rate in the Church is rampant.

Domestic violence and abuse are the greatest stain on the Church today, as evidenced by this kind of counsel.

Because of male-dominated and male-entitled thinking, women in the Church are being silenced and treated as like second class citizens. There is a CRY coming from the woman of God and they are rising up against injustice and inequality. I am joining my voice with theirs and saying, ENOUGH!!

In truth, GOD, in Ephesians 5, puts the onus of responsibility on the husband in marriage. That husband is to love her with a love willing to give up the entirety of his life, every part and aspect of it FOR HER….NOT the other way around. How does Abuse fit into that picture of Christ and His Bride?

Blame-shifting by a HUSBAND is manipulation and IS AB– USE.

Not owning his sin and thus validating HER pain is also AB– USE. That is God's kind of justice! How does silencing a woman's voice and pain constitute nourishing, nurturing, cleaving, agape loving, cherishing, presenting and washing her with the tangible RHEMA of God's Word? How does blaming her satisfy God's demands that a husband love her as Christ loves the Church? The husband's lack of love in betraying HER to begin with is suddenly put back on her?

Domestic Violence within the Church has gone on far too long. Men have wrongly taught that somehow they are entitled to control their wives, and then justify their sinful behavior . The "good ole boys club", then condones and actually commends such behavior by telling men to "keep their wives in line." When is the Church going to stop promulgating the "wife submit" message, as if most of the Church even understands what headship is or what submission is.

The misinterpretation of just these two words is destroying the Church from the inside out.

What about finally confronting the TRUTH that men who call themselves Christians do nothing but take certain verses out of context for their own justification to misuse power and control and destroy their wives and children in the process. And there the Pastor looks on in agreement. Whatever a Pastor is in agreement with he is also COMPLICIT in allowing abuse to continue in his Church. God holds them responsible too.

Any means by which a man either through INACTION or refusing to listen to and love his wife and meet her needs or any ACTION that is physical, verbal, sexual, spiritual, financial and even familial (by turning her children against her)… IS AB– USE…IS AB– USE…. IS AB– USE.

Passivity along with any kind of aggression or constant threat for her PEACE and safety IS AB– USE. It is no wonder the world wants NOTHING to do with Christ!!

Christ ELEVATED women and invited them into the Kingdom with the same and FULL privileges and inheritance as men. What about teaching men to lay his life down for her and BE CHRIST-LIKE. The twisting of the meaning of the word submission in God's Word IS THE most destructive false doctrine in the Church. How the family goes, so goes the the health of the Body of Christ. Women are being AB– USED and Pastors and ministers are turning a blind eye to it.

Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used. They know the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and the know "The Way Home" to a life of choosing unconditional love.

The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in her posts, articles, and her book-in-progress. As you venture on this journey with Kimberly you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in her darkest hours. Today her mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places. As you journey with Kimberly you will witness a true life transformation that will shatter the misinformation and lies commonly fed to women that keep them in false submission.

Tagged as: Choosing Love Today, Getting Your Life Back, Real People Real Stories, Voice of the Bride