A Way to Tell Your Story that Does Not Create Pain

A Way to Tell Your Story that Doesn't Create Pain

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

I had finally broken my silence, yet I kept worrying. Did bitterness somehow soak my words with toxicity that would alienate people I love? To share or not to share, is the dilemma that has kept me bouncing between writing paralysis and writing spurts. In my heart, I know the Truth, and that is why I hit the publish button.

I believe silence enabled my complicity with the enemy's plans all these years. Telling my story is part of the cure, yet I hardly know where to begin or how. I don't want to offend or to bring shame on anyone. Really, God, what exactly do you want?

So I pulled out an old journal today, dated April 8, 2003, 12 years ago, this week. In it was a dream I had scribbled down in bright pink ink.

"My pastor's wife had given me some paperwork to complete prior to a public speaking event. Several people were lined up to share their testimonies and I was one of them. I kept wondering, 'What am I supposed to share?' It was a last minute request to invite me to speak.

So I opened my Bible and inside was written my entire story via diary entries, with lines of Scripture in between the sentences of my life story. Suddenly it was clear what to share."

So I wondered, are there are other people out there who are simply sharing their diaries? I mean, not just their prayer journals, but the private, raw, undiluted, unfiltered truth of their lives?

And that's when I landed on Henri Nouwen's book, "The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey through Anguish to Freedom". This book captures Nouwen's private anguish as he struggled to hear God's voice during a dark time of his life. He shared his life story, from his secret journal, and it's just what so many people needed. This book arrived in my mailbox today!

Henri writes: "The years that lie behind you, with all their struggles and pains, will in time be remembered only as the way that led to your new life. But as long as the new life is not fully yours, your memories will continue to cause you pain. When you keep reliving painful events of the past, you can feel victimized by them. But there is a way of telling your story that does not create pain. Then, also, the need to tell your story will become less pressing. You will see that you are no longer there: the past is gone, the pain has left you, you no longer have to go back and relive it, you no longer depend on your past to identify yourself." (bold mine)

I may not always say the right things, the right way. But God knows my heart is not to offend anyone or to bring shame on anyone. These are highly toxic memories I'm handling, and as a former hazmat worker, I know it's necessary to take special precautions in processing these diaries.

My goal in writing the book, "On the Way Home" is that not a single daughter in my line of descendants will ever be abused again.

In many ways it would be easier not to share my story. I've often thought about just leaving…

We could leave, you know. We could leave and never turn back because these wounds go deep. But Hope sings deeper and we stay because we see the power and potential of all of our voices rising together. ~ Elora Ramirez

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's Fingers." – Hans Christian Andersen

Every fairy tale I've read is an encounter with evil, a death-defying journey or battle, and ending in a deeper revelation of the power of love. We find meaning in the suffering, in reading fairy tales. What if you see your own life as a fairy tale written by God's fingers?

Writing Prompt: Have you broken your silence yet? Even if it streams out in a gush of 'toxic' words, write 100 or 10K words and send them to me in email, if you wish, or in the comments below.

Another suggestion, to break your silence, is to create an anonymous blog. Use a pen name. Write from your heart, a little each day. Sometimes you just need to break the dam and let the river flow!

My Full Story What I Believe Contact Me

With all my love,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.

Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

A Way to Tell Your Story that Does Not Create Pain

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