Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife – "Demonic Manifestations"
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
In the Series "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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October 26, 2010
Thank you for the intercession!
Last night we were on the group call for 3-hours until he couldn't take anymore. He did not want to speak or let me announce our names. He was in an agitated mindset and finally told me, "I'm going dark!"
He got up to leave (standard operating procedure) and I asked him to please consider where I might live (we live on a ranch and have a roof over our heads because he takes care of the horses for the owners) since he said he'll be "dark" and I won't know where he is or be able to talk to him. It's not feasible to co-manage a ranch if one partner "goes dark" and leaves indefinitely. He changed his mind and came to bed, but then twice he got back up, threatening suicide.
Note from the future: These manifestations became a daily occurance: Agitation, pacing, muscle tremors, needing to escape, threatening suicide, afraid of deception, confused… he reaches out for help to out-of-state pastor friends, who sense the demonic manifestations and attribute them to the marriage ministry's influence on him. They blame the marriage ministry and advise him to get out. They don't realize the marriage ministry is a source of Light and the darkness within is agitated. He demonstrated these very same manifestations LONG before he became involved in the marriage ministry.
Early in our marriage, he described these manifestations to me. I will paraphrase his words, the best I can remember: "Something comes into my body and pushes me far back. I lose control of my arms and legs. It looks through my eyes and talks with my voice. I can hear it but I can't control it.
It tries to drive me off cliffs. I barely get control of my hands on the steering wheel as my truck veers off the road. I know God saved my life. Mom said she was praying for me at the very same time this was happening."
I have been in the truck when an event like this happened. It also happened inside our house and in our yard. It was a common occurance. (End of "note from the future.)
He's very much afraid of deception and said that he feels like he's losing his mind. I did ask him to refrain from contacting the other ministers to give their opinions, but nevertheless one of the pastor's wives emailed me to get the information. I sent it to her, but it feels like there are too many people trying to give advice without really knowing the situation and it's very confusing.
He agreed to give this ministry 6-months (I believe him) without going to the other pastors… but he said it like a little boy who is having to do what his mother says, and I know that's okay for now. He keeps repeating to himself that I wear the pants in the family now and he must do everything he's told.
My heart longs for the day when it will be like it was during the last couple days of the marriage intensive!
Just hearing everyone's voice on the call, knowing that Skippy and OneDay were there… it strengthened me enormously. Thanks for being YOU – all of you! In the meantime, we are taking one day at a time, doing the homework, and moving forward by faith.
Responses:
June: Dear S,
This is classic abuse, pure and simple — the husband being so agitated he won't let you speak up, the husband "going dark" – the threat of suicide and abandonment.
Dear Father God,
We come before you now thanking you that you have both S & R in the palm of your hand, with nothing separating them from Your Love. Bless your Holy Name – the Name above all names. Jesus.
satan, you have come to kill, steal and destroy, to bring deception and havoc upon the Bride of Christ, the church, primarily the family, focused on the breakdown of marriage – we KNOW that you are doing this, and we hereby bind this spirits of abuse, pridefulness, deception, suicide, contempt by the precious BLOOD of JESUS. amen. you have no dominion in this family — they have been bought and paid for by the Sacrificial Lamb, Christ our Lord and it is in Him that we live and hope and have being. amen.
R,
It is high time that you start looking at yourself as a man, redeemed from the curse by the BLOOD, and the curse of death has been broken but also the curse of ruling over your bride. Scripture says "do not think more highly of yourself than you ought to think" — and "pridefulness comes before the fall." We WANT you to find His purpose for your life, that of being a godly and Christlike husband to your wife, by walking in the Fruit of the Spirit — and these are: "love, joy, peace, longsuffering patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance(self-control) — against such there is no law." There is ONE Spirit — and believer are in the Spirit and the Spirit is in each believer. amen.
S,
You must keep holding him to the nightly conference calls — it is a must — you both need this accountability at this fragile time. We want you to succeed and know that sometimes you need a multitude of counsel to get the needed wisdom TO succeed. Be certain to stand firm and not accept his "threats" and manipulations. Respond good for good behavior, and mirror back to him when he is missing the mark aka responding bad for bad (with a 2 out of 3 rule), being careful not to open your heart too quickly, as this is an abusive man, there is no doubt.
The most profound part of this is that although the husband has been causing the pain, God has also granted him the privilege and responsibility to become the healing agent and hero. WOW! You are worthy of this healing for YOU are a precious daughter of God.
God designed marriage – it has been messed up a lot by R in his life — very bad track record, however our God is the God of "beginning again" — of restoring the years the locust has eaten. amen.
Blessings and prayers,
June
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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Note from the future….
Once again, I am today alive and well, happy and joyful, and FREE … just so you don't worry 🙂
I would like to share a little about "demonic oppression and possession". At the very same time that my ex-husband was involved in extensive ministry, accompanied by signs, wonders, and miracles… with miracles and healings…
At the very same time, he was becoming more and more oppressed, accompanied by demonic oppression and what appears to be near-possession.
Without going into a lot of details, this is the "fruit" of what I call demonic oppression, as I witnessed it:
1. His arms and legs would begin vibrating – the shaking gradually becoming more and more pronounced, even violent.
2. He would call for the spirit of death to take him, or he would grab a rifle and shout that he was going to blow his head off.
3. He would say something dark – like the kind of dark voice that grips your soul and turns you to ice. As an example, one day he told me, "Sue, I don't want to divorce you. I just want to watch you suffer. You're going to see what you missed."
4. He would make proclamations that he was not an ordinary man. He was different than all other men. Could we please stop treating him as if he was an ordinary man.
5. Delusions of grandeur – For example, he claimed that he walked on earth as the disciples once did with Jesus, man to man, face to face, in the flesh. He had no need to study the Bible because angels delivered his sermons to him. Therefore, his words could not be critiqued, for they came directly from heaven.
6. Mocking, smirking, condescension, and pure arrogance on his face.
7. Abandonment. For example, one morning he woke up and hitched our RV, parked in the ranch driveway, and said he was talking it to Montana. I had personal items, paperwork, and all of our storage items in that RV – he just up and took everything. I never saw my personal items again, to this day. There were many types of abandonment – all of them intended to keep me off balance.
8. Violence. For example, reckless driving. You never felt safe in the truck with him. Sudden movements. Sudden speed changes. Sudden directional changes.
And so much more…. This is the "fruit" of demonic manifestations. These are only a few illustrations. I don't want to spend a lot of time on this or to give the enemy any kind of glory. I only want to share enough so that you can see what was happening behind the scenes of all the "signs, wonders, and miracles".
If you received a healing, all glory goes to God.
But please understand that a minister is just a man. They shouldn't be put on a pedestle. Can I just say how many good people do this today????
People are so wounded, so hurt, so full of suffering and pain. They see a man with healing power in his hands and they literally SWOON under his touch!
Their eyes change. Right in front of me, I see it happen over and over again. They begin to worship the man and the man receives the praise.
I believe this is an open door to demonic oppression.
I could say a lot more… but I think this is enough. You pray about it. If you disagree with anything I've shared, I trust God will show you His Truth. I only see and know in part. I welcome your thoughts!
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