Finding Truth: Shattering the Facade
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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December 19, 2011
“The abuse is not only hidden from public view but from the view of the family members themselves. The family members believe the façade of normalcy because it is what they have grown up with. Anything that does not fit is buried or rationalized away. Anyone who tells the secrets or points out the sickness is punished or even exiled. The façade is maintained at the expense of individual family members.” ~ Renee Fredricksen
What happens in the family is mirrored in the church.
There is not a lot of difference between spousal abuse and spiritual abuse in a church. I always wondered why people want you to be silent… good people… friends and family. Why do good people tell you to hush, to just quietly move on?
I have been exiled, shunned, mocked, and slandered… not for doing wrong, but for questioning what was obvious and open immorality.
Two of my friends, likewise, questioned the open immorality and within 6-months of each other they had "accidents" that put them in the grave. My turn was threatened to be next but I escaped, and left the state.
It was like we were all supposed to play the game of "we're normal, we're okay". I always thought everyone would want to make things right. I just couldn't conceive why they would get angry when you politely and nicely and appropriately speak up, with love and compassion, just wanting to help make things right.
Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil, in the face of wrongdoing maintains the facade of normalcy (i.e. keeps the offering plates flowing in cash).
In telling our stories, in essence, what we are doing is shattering the facade of "normal" and ending the pharasaical charade.
Knowing that this is standard operating procedure for both families and churches, then when the shunning begins and the slander intensifies, we are not swept off our feet but we remain standing.
If we don't play the game of normal… hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil except behind closed doors where no one can know… then we are exiled.
Standing, telling my story, even in the face of hatred… that's all that is required of me. When I can understand the WHY of the shunning it doesn't hurt as much to be exiled.
The ultimate suffering is isolation, being alone, not being understood, rejected, betrayed, misunderstood… to avoid pain people avoid other people who speak up and challenge the game.
To be friends with the game-changer is to risk losing your association, so you are willing to cut off your friend rather than risk being exiled.
So we in this group are game changers. We don't play the everything-is-okay and we-are-normal games.
With the women I have met in this group I feel I am in the company of queens…. rulers…
I could never return to playing the game. Give me the company of fellow exiles… our Commander in Chief paved the way on the road to Calvary…. and it ended not in Death but in Resurrection Life and Power!
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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