No Longer A Victim
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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December 8, 2011
For more than two-years I've been drawn to this town, because of the healing waters. I set my hopes on having a bit of peace: soaking, and writing.
Ever since I arrived in this town 9-months ago its been one tragedy after another, but it's quiet now. And I'm writing. The town is small enough where I don't have to drive my truck very much or very far and if needed, I can walk to work.
There may be better, safer places, but each one is temporary at best. In my spirit I feel unrest just at the thought of having to pack everything up, especially with the roads snow-covered. I can't move my trailer, for example. In any direction out of this town I face crossing mountains. In my spirit I know my truck won't make it, not even if it were summer.
So I go to the pools before heading to work. I swim and just float, gazing into the sky. I tilt my head into the sunshine and I can't imagine not being here. It's like my spirit knows I need to be here, at least for now. The hot mineral water is helping to heal my body, which has been wracked with pain for the past 12-years.
There's finally some peace. I'm taking care of my landlady's plants that cover the whole front of the living room, and they give me great joy.
I ask God to remove anyone and anything from my life, his way, that shouldn't be in… and to bring only those people and situations that should be in my life.
I have to trust Him entirely. I don't trust my own judgment. What looks good to me, may be evil in God's eyes… and vice-versa. I know my mind is still in recovery.
Tomorrow I'm going to inquire about a second job: assisting disabled people. And I'll put my application in for a boarding school for troubled children. I'm also praying my way through a business plan, creating a blueprint for 2012. With my additional wages I will invest into marketing… and by God's grace, be financially independent by this time next year.
In a small town, it takes awhile for old-timers to hire new people, especially homeless people. So I actually have a better chance here to get a good job than starting out all over in a new place. I feel like I must give myself a year here, unless God opens the door for me to move, to rest and write… to work and play. That means the mechanic will be close by… but I know so much better now how to protect myself. He is respecting my boundaries.
Even my boss, who harasses my co-workers, is being kind to me. He used to touch me so much, even my stomach… but not anymore. He treats me respectfully now, both verbally and physically. It's like I've changed inside… I'm no longer a victim… so it's like my atmosphere is changing around me, too…. and the would-be abusers are either getting exposed, just backing down, or battling their own demons and changing.
I feel like that's the way it is for all of us… this army of women warriors that is arising out of the ashes of despair… that as we live these new lives, it's like we are dressed differently… in royal clothes… with a boldness and confidence and strength that makes the enemy flee. Our names are known in hell… so just the sound of our names causes the would-be abusers to back off.
So they see Sue coming… and because there's so little of me left, after dying these thousand deaths, all they can see and hear is Christ Jesus in me…. and we are One…. so any abuser who stands in my way will either bow down or run.
I feel that time is now. I no longer feel afraid. It's they who must be afraid of me!
Note from the Future: It's nearly three years later now, and AMEN! The abusers are afraid of me. I no longer attract the same people who exploit, abuse, and destroy. I am happily remarried and fulfilling my destiny.
The tables are turning and the enemy is on the run. This is our inheritance as the King's daughters! Psalm 23
However, one month later, I had to move… in the middle of winter. I had to face yet another big fear. God was teaching me to grin in the face of disaster, and apparently He wanted to introduce me to the next phase of my recovery in the form of a dramatic rescue.
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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