Dialing 911
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
***************************************************
May 20, 2011
Thank you for the encouraging and gracious words of wisdom, June and everyone…
No, R has not shown me pictures, but from reactions I am receiving, even publicly on my Facebook wall, I can imagine he's painting his own pictures. I understand I am not to respond, and to defend myself does not help.
The 'hot tub' is a pool about half the size of a football field – 3rd largest mineral springs pool in the world. People come from all over the world for the healing waters and the therapeutic benefit. I came here to be near my daughter but also to soak in the healing waters, for my body has been full of pain for about 11 years. It is owned by the Christian man and missionary who offered me a 'safe harbor' and his support.
R tells me he has 'his people' watching me but I give that no more concern… I have shut down my Facebook account, which also means I have disconnected myself from my business school, which uses Facebook for almost everything.
A dream I had prior to marrying R…. I was leaving a concentration camp, leading other girls out… I had dialed 911 and a car showed up to take us away… we got into the backseat and R turns to me, from the front passenger seat, holding up his cell phone which had rung when I dialed 911, sneering. The girl next to me said, "Your punishment will be they knock out all your teeth." I replied, "Even if they knock out all my teeth, I will still be free."
Note from the future: I've had so many dreams about being held captive in a concentration camp. I realize psychological torture and emotional abuse is equivalent to living in a nightmare. I believe the girls sitting in the seat next to me represent so many victims of domestic violence – they have been held captive for so long they cannot see or taste or hear the call to freedom any longer.
Despite my ignorance of abuse tactics and my lack of discernment, I have pursued freedom with all my might. The current of Religious indoctrination and peer pressure has been strong, and confronting it has often been more than I can bear… but I remain resolute: I choose freedom, no matter the cost.
I am headed out of Egypt but not without pain and sorrow, loneliness, confusion, and feeling very unsure what the path is. In my room I find myself singing a lot more, being so very grateful to God, and marveling at the strong sense of His presence. I am grateful to have a job that allows me a place to live…. and I feel like God's princess. In Egypt I rarely sang or enjoyed music, rarely read books or wrote, and was always afraid.
Whatever desire I had, even this month, to be back with R is gone. I am signing his divorce papers.
Thanking you and everyone here…
sue
PureinHeart:
This kind of divorce is affirming R not making his life miserable. God needs there to be pain for him to wake up to his spiritual condition.
Kimberly
June: AMEN — KB, please please heed Kimberly's advice —
WALK TALL< you are a daughter of the MOST HIGH!
R is still in full abuse cycle, albeit from afar, and the Lord never designed marriage for the wife to be abused.
Your worth is of greatest value… and not only that, as long as R is allowed to get away with his abusiveness, the Lord usually chooses to NOT get his attention, for HE (the Lord) wants you to get out of the way — and that would be by being FULLY DARK.
so, every time you start entertaining the notion of possibly being a blessing to R, delve into the WORD, sing praise music, get on a conference call and listen, go PLAY with your daughter and granddaughter and ENJOY the blessings you have. this, in its roundabout way IS "getting out of God's way" aka "let GO and let GOD"
YOU must remain fully DARK to R. let him "be dead" to you (emotionally, spiritually, etc) — this is after all what he has been feeding into your marriage for a long time — this needs to be — I repeat NEEDS to be what you mirror back — DARK
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
{ 0 comments… add one now }
{ 1 trackback }