Escape to Freedom: Diary of a Battered Preacher’s Wife – Chapter 20 – “Treachery”

May 10, 2011

I know it was even more foolish, but I went a second time to Montana while R was there to love on him, to let him see how much God has healed my heart and to feel the JOY that is inside of me. Although it appears foolish, I felt it was an act of my own freedom – I was not going in desperation, although I have felt that in the past… but more because I am so free… and my heart has healed so much. I really want him to have this gift… it seems like my love for him has grown so much.

He rejected me…

God has been showering me with gifts and favor… a local church invited me to speak at a women's aglow luncheon, even though they know my situation and I didn't feel ready… and someone else invited me to have flying lessons and get back into flying airplanes, as I once did in the past… and I'm involved in a Bible study… and it's like I'm alive again.

I didn't realize how much energy had been draining out just by being in this bad marriage. I'm okay with being single now. 

When my truck broke down the 2nd time in the middle of a barren desert (in between Montana and Wyoming) and R didn't care, it was my lowest point… the pain was unbearable… it didn't feel like I would make it through… but the good news is, that once you've reached the end of your rope, you're done! It's only up from there. And God met me.

I'll be out driving, listening to a CD, and all of the sudden the JOY of the Lord comes on me and it's so radical…. and that just blesses me over and over again.

It's not fun sleeping alone and living alone, but there are people around here that are worse off than me, so I've been back to praying for people.

I'm doing interviews with people whose stories are impacting my life at a deep level…. and their stories are merging into my story.

I've been invited to minister in Asia!

It's like my pastor told me a long time ago, more than a year, that he was afraid if I didn't separate from R that I would lose my faith and my spiritual life would die…. I didn't understand it then (I was a stander)… but I do now.

Even though it means divorce I can already see God's favor and protection. And I trust Him!

THANK YOU!

Note from the future: I'm not sure I could have endured the pain without the "victory" I felt on this day. It seemed as if God's hand was moving to validate me, support me, and rescue me. The joy I felt was so deep, like a River of Love that had been dammed up for so long and finally released over my parched soul.

Just a couple of weeks later I discovered a "rescuer" was actually a predator, and to be honest, the crushing impact of that deceit took my breath away. My faith was shaken to the roots. There is no pain deeper than a wolf disguised as a shepherd when you are bloody and barely alive… and when the treachery touches your children and grandchildren, all hell is unleashed and it kills your spirit.

The joy and the hope I felt on this day were about to be challenged… and nearly defeated. But love wins… always, every time. There really is a good ending… but it didn't happen right away. There was so much more I needed to learn – and most of all, to unlearn.

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June:
we are not advocating that YOU agape love Randy

HE was/is supposed to agape love you, his bride

a wife agape-loving her husband does NOT help him to grow up, dear heart — so please stop showing him agape-love  — please STOP pursuing him….. this is backwards thinking and we DO NOT encourage it whatsoever — it keeps a man from growing up….

when woman agape loves a husband ONCE HE IS CONSISTENTLY showing her agape-love — and your husband has in EVERY way divorced you.

May the Lord fill you with His confidence, His joy, His strength, and give you the resolve you need to start your life afresh without R.

PureinHeart:King's Bride,

I am very concerned for you. These actions on your part show that your mind-set or thinking is still being filtered through the lens of an abused woman. This is part and parcel of our own Arrested Development and immaturity.

It is a truth we believe because we have been taught wrongly and believed a lie. Whatever truth we believe WILL affect our judgment and the choices we make. When a woman feels she has no way out or recourse she becomes enslaved again to bondage. That is why Paul said NOT to come under a yoke of slavery again when the truth has been given to us.  This legalism is directly related to a religious spirit. This spirit has BOUND women since the enmity in the Garden.

I understand that your desire is for your husband. It is that very pull of your heart, that in a God-honoring marriage would have caused you to remain connected to him.

The BALANCE or DIVINE ORDER to this God-given desire IS your ROLE as a help-meet. God did not leave you powerless or helpless to affect change in a husband who would depart from the Lord and instead use treachery to, rule over you. This ruling is the CURSE, which Christ freed you from.  Jesus became a curse for you, so that you would no longer be in captivity, dominated, enslaved and emotionally imprisoned. When you are held captive, you are putting yourself in a position to be be dependent upon man instead of God.

In a thriving marriage, being dependent upon a husband would be right but to put yourself at the mercy of an abusive man is coming into agreement with the enemy who seeks to kill, steal and destroy you. The enemy seeks to RULE over you instead of YOU taking dominion over him.

Get OUT of agreement with R's abuse and step into AGREEMENT and DIVINE alignment with the Lord. It is when you agree with God's truth that the Lord can answer you according to His Word.

1 Corinthian 7 tells you to, Let the unbeliever depart. That is the COMMAND form of the Greek. God is calling you NOT to live in bondage but in peace. It is not the Lord's fault if we choose crisis and chaos over His PEACE. Living in peace means to be     exempt from the rage and havoc of war; to live in harmony, concord, security, safety, prosperity, felicity, (because peace and harmony make and keep things safe and prosperous).

The word unbeliever (Apistos), means to be unfaithful, faithless, (not to be trusted, perfidious, treacherous, deceitful, dishonest), unbelieving, incredulous (not credible), without trust (in God). If that does not sound like your husband, I do not know what could describe him more aptly!!!

The following post, written to a husband explains these truths further:

Strong's Number:   7971   
Transliterated Word
Shalach
Phonetic Spelling
shaw-lakh'
  
Definition:

• To send, send away, let go, stretch out
• to send to stretch out, extend, direct
• to send away
• to let loose
• to send off or away or out or forth, dismiss, give over, cast out
• to let go, set free
• to shoot forth (of branches)
• to let down

Strong's Number:   630
Original Word Word Origin
apoluo from (575) and (3089)
Transliterated Word
Apoluo   
Phonetic Spelling
ap-ol-oo'-

Definition:  to let go, dismiss, (to detain no longer)

• a petitioner to whom liberty to depart is given by a decisive answer
• to bid depart, send away
• used of divorce, to dismiss from the house, to repudiate. to send one's self away, to depart

apo'(root word)
    
Definition: of separation

• of local separation, after verbs of motion from a place i.e. of departing, of fleeing, …
• of separation of a part from the whole
• where of a whole some part is taken
• of any kind of separation of one thing from another by which the union or fellowship of the two is destroyed
• of a state of separation, that is of distance

Luo (root word)
Phonetic Spelling
loo'-o

Definition: of a husband and wife joined together by the bond of matrimony

Every time you have pushed your wife away, you have, by your actions, divorced her.

Every time you have dismissed her you have divorced her

The simple straightforward understanding here then is that your wife would not be divorcing you she is only giving a corresponding response to your actions of divorcing her.

Divorce is a VERB.

Divorce does just not show up out of nowhere. It is deliberate choices and actions on your part NOT to connect and bring your wife NEAR.

This is ONE FLESH…connecting with her heart by meeting her needs (spiritual, emotional, physical).

How can you divide something or divorce something that is ONE? It can not be done unless one or the other tears themselves asunder to do it.

That is why it is something that is VIOLENT to the one YOU are tearing yourself apart from.

Here a synonyms of the word divorce:  to dissociate, divide, disconnect, split, dis-join, total separation; disunion: a divorce between thought and action, to separate; cut off.

Your thoughts about yourself automatically produce actions that keep you joined only to yourself equaling SELFISHNESS.  

If your thoughts are divorced from your actions toward her then the marriage is devoid of any connection and thus unmet desire and needs for her.  

The opposite is  when your thoughts and actions are MARRIED together and are about HER then your attention, devotion, acts of giving are directed toward and connected to meeting her needs.    

Here are the opposite words or antonyms of divorce:  combination, connection, solution, unification

Here are words that are the opposite of divorce and dissolution:  beginning, commencement, construction, start.

Interestingly…these opposite words of divorce and their synonyms are exactly what God teaches about marriage and the husband being the HEAD.

They are words that denote INITIATION: to take the initiative, to give into, to commence, to go FIRST, to start, to begin, to create, to be the source of.

I believe it is clear that even at a cursory glance God knows what He is talking about.

God's CREATION ACTS in the Garden are wrought with His original design of marriage.

What your ideas of marriage have NOTHING to do with God's truth.

The question is not why would she divorce you but why have you divorced her, sent her away, cut her off and disconnected from intimacy and one flesh union?  

Considering that the word for desire (tesh-oo-kaw) in Genesis means: a craving, a yearning, a reaching out to CONNECT to her husband gives insight into God's creative and deliberate act of putting this heart in a WOMAN.

Because you have disconnected, OR divorced her, you have not fulfilled by thought, word and deed a reaching back toward her heart to CONNECT and thus have put her under a CURSE.

Her desire shall be FOR HIM and HE SHALL RULE OVER HER.

This Scripture of ruling is the CURSE part of that verse.

How does a husband RULE OVER her?

By his refusal to connect to his wife and so fulfill that desire God put within her.

His refusal to enjoin to her and make sure ALL of her desire is met she now feels that her emotional being is ruled over by distrust, disinterest, abandoned, distraught, rejected, alone, broken, frightened, weakened, unloved.

Jesus Christ, a Bridegroom came to re-CONNECT or MARRY His Creation. He became a CURSE FOR HIS BRIDE, so that there could be a RELATIONSHIP. A relationship in which the Bride's needs and desires would be freely given to her. She would not earn it or be called upon to meet any expectations of its requirements.

This relationship IS called a COVENANT.

Biblical COVENANT is entered into by a decision, and the one who initiated such has the onus of responsibility to uphold it regardless of the others ability to keep it. To solidify the Covenant agreement someone must die, and blood is shed to seal it. It is irrevocable. The Covenant only stays in effect if the other party remains DEAD. As in natural death, the recipient of the inheritance or testament is given because a relative has died. Their right to this inheritance is based on their death. So it is with a husband who remains DEAD in Christ. For you have been crucified with Christ and you no longer live, thereby keeping the Covenant enforced.

That is why God commands a husband to lay his life down. He is the KEEPER, so to speak of the Covenant and responsible to sustain it.

Jesus died and shed his blood for you to enter into such a New Testament or Covenant.

This is significant because Ephesians 5 has called a husband to die to (himself) and give his life for his wife. Herein, is the role as the husband given.

A husband enters into that Marriage Covenant by dying to himself, and by breaking her hymen provides the blood that is shed that consummates the agreement.

Your part was entered into with full agreement by having witnesses and spoken with promises or a vow to keep to keep it.

You have NOT kept this COVENANT. You have disregarded its requirements and responsibilities to keep it in effect.

It is the Bridegroom's responsibility to be the keeper of the Marriage Covenant. He is to guard it and watch over it. Since he initiated it. He is responsible to keep it in effect.

Much like Jesus Christ IS the Mediator of the Covenant for His Bride.

YOU did this and broke TRUST with the wife of your youth by treating her treacherously and throwing a garment of violence over yourself.

Because YOUR treachery proves your intent to send her away. This is WHY God HATES divorce. He hates the treachery that leads to it. God hates that YOU DIVORCED (DISCONNECTED) from HER in such a way (Malachi).

NOW do you understand?

IF you want to instead LOVE your wife, give your life for her and move forward; you MUST die to yourself and meet the requirements (commands) Paul instructed in Ephesians 5.

Dying to SELF is nothing more than telling yourself that YOU NO LONGER EXIST.

Not your feelings, wants, rights or anything.

You DIE to SELF and LIVE for a BRIDE.

I pray this helps you.

Kimberly