Standing in Truth
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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Every day I've been checking Facebook to see if R is still my husband…. and each day it's been a relief to see him still there. But today he removed me. He listed himself as both "single" and "interested in women".
Why does he want such a fast divorce, I wonder…. and why paint the picture, even to me, to make it appear as if 1.) it's my choice and 2.) it's to my benefit.
I have to remind myself of the truth… otherwise, at times, I begin accepting his excuses as truth….
This weekend and most days R is celebrated as a man with a huge heart of love… his specialty is women's ministry and street ministry. I've seen women swoon over him because he says just the words and has such a loving touch.
Women swoon under his touch, and they have no clue he hates them!
I have also heard his say, "I hate all women, not just you."
Pain overload today, but not hopelessly so…. sometimes you wonder how you could have been duped so easily…. and then after you realize it, you keep on loving, and you feel foolish for loving anyway… and you truly believe that love prevails… and then you realize that if you didn't love, you would be already dead even if still walking around… so it's okay… you channel the love to the people in front of you and to yourself and you just let God carry you…
We keep on loving, in part, due to neurological dysfunction.
I did drive back to Montana to pick up my things…. but my truck broke down… I called R and he was too busy… but Daddy took care of me… a mechanic appeared out of nowhere, pulled in behind me at the gas station… several men appeared on the scene and between them got my truck temporarily fixed enough to make it to the motel I'm staying at… it was an adventure, to say the least.
I was foolish…. when I saw him in Montana I hugged and hugged him…. whispered "I love you"… but he was so hard…. not open. He is firm in his decision to divorce – a quick divorce is what he wants.
Note from the future: He needed a quick divorce because he had already selected wife #5. It's his pattern to have his next wife in place before he divorces his previous wife.
A good book, that explains why someone would marry a man like this is "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them" by Dr. Susan Forward. Why we ignore the red flags, why we remain in abusive relationships… it's because abuse is toxic and it damages our brains. Many of us have so much mercy and grace that we ignore justice and righteousness. We keep hoping our love will break through, when God is hoping we will get out of His way…
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Responses:
June: dear heart,
I realize that these have been painful and miserable years, weeks and days…. and also that your husband is in full rebellion against God masked in his supposed righteousness…
For now, dear heart, please seek the Lord and lady friends who will give you emotional and spiritual uplifting. Your h is NOT that person now — he is in a very dangerous place…. and you have the opportunity to put it in gear for the LORD TO GET HIS ATTENTION…. instead of you being so needy of your h's attention.
Please file divorce ASAP! and please quit checking his facebook (he is using it to further abuse you).
When a man is in rebellion against the Lord, ONLY the Lord is going to be able to reach him, so it is important to get OUT of God's way.
Lifegiver: You have been so heavy on my heart, Kingsbride… please know that I am and will continue to pray for you. I hate to see that R is still in control and mostly of your heart. This process is difficult but the rewards, are great, either way…With restoration of your marriage or life without AB– USE/abusers. "You can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you".
Keep your head up and know that God has a plan, trust him and [i]trust the helpers in this ministry…They know what they are talking about, and they only have your best interest at hand.
You are such a precious daughter of the King and you have been suffering way toooooooooo long in abuse. Im praying that the Holy Spirit will bring His truth to you, to enlighten you to not only new revelation from the Word of God but the truth you are going to get from this ministry.
Firewalker: Aren't you wife #4? This man wants a quick divorce because he is a deceiver and believes that "ministry" gives him license to blur the lines of God's truth for himself. He will be on to #5 very quickly I predict.
He lacks integrity.
He lacks moral values.
He lacks humility.
God wants to utilize circumstances to bring him to the end of himself. Let God bring to the light what the truth of this man is.
But….Allow the truth that you already know to set you free from the emotional entanglements that remain and bind you to this reprobate of a "minister". Let him depart, for you've done all you can to offer restoration and correction for his sin and disobedience. He is rebellious and God will deal with the treachery he has perpetrated on so many, especially vulnerable women of God.
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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