Going Dark
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
***************************************************
April 19, 2011
Kimberly,
Your grace and wisdom is priceless!
You speak as if you know the depths of my heart… I had numbed myself and I'm thawing out now. today it's all tears, but I sense His presence…. like He's taking me away with Him, to a quiet place… out of the storm.
Disconnecting from the abuser
I can't do business right now… this opportunity to earn income, it's like I can't even hold on to that.
It's a free-fall and you can't get back up in the airplane to 'safety'.
I ended up calling R last night…. and there was nothing there… he didn't really care that I called… began complaining about miscellaneous things, began a liturgy of past disappointments and failures in me. He asked me what I wanted and I said 'Palm Coast' … a firm negative response came back to me.
Kimberly, you speak truth in love… your wisdom resonates in my spirit. God, please give me the courage to divorce, if that is what I must do.
I thank God for you… thank you and bless you!
PureinHeart: King's Bride,
First, it is paramount for your healing that you go completely dark on Randy. This step of faith is for BOTH of you.
For you there is a time of God untangling your learned responses of fear and intimidation at the hands of your husband. Since you are not taking in his abusive words into your ear, you cut-off HIS DEMONIC LIES and influence from effecting your spirit and emotions.
Eliminating victimhood and becoming emPOWERed
As God lifts off of you the burdens of guilt, shame, anger, injustice and oppression, you know and feel a freedom you have never known. Knowing you are emPOWERed by God and no longer feel helpless is the very foundation of strength God is rebuilding in you. You are no longer tired and weary from the day to day and hand to hand combat you were in with your husband. When wisdom comes it is a tree of LIFE. Disengaging and disconnecting from his abuse makes God's voice of truth clearer again, leading you and guiding you as a Shepherd leads his lambs AWAY from danger.
For him, he must face the silence and allow God's voice to speak louder in him than any other. This takes positioning him in that place with God deliberately by the help-meet. Even when a man is abusive and he can still hear his wife's voice, there is a kind of soothing comfort in it for him.
Why going dark (having no contact) is necessary
Like a child whose Mommy goes out of the room and he panics until he hears that she is nearby. It is simply because of his Arrested Development. As long as he can reach you then he interprets this as having the CONTROL. That inner dialogue in his head says, See, she is calling me. She is wrong, I am right. If I were wrong then she would not be contacting me. I can affect her feelings and behavior and so I have power over her.
This is because he has an abusive core that has not been repented of or dealt with. His inner thought process is a stronghold. That abusive nature has a STRONG HOLD on his thinking, leaving his mind (un)renewed. His mind is SET to think earthly, unholy and carnal thoughts instead of having his mind-SET on hings above.
Going dark creates a crisis
Going dark positions that husband to begin asking different questions because his thought process is suddenly interrupted. That hopefully will lead to a repentant attitude (change of mind). The only way R can think differently is to create a crisis in his mind that forces him to go there. Creating a shock wave, so to speak in his brain. There is an actual chemical reaction that does happen in the masculine brain that puts him off balance.
Real change is possible
God is good in that He, in His creation acts has given a help-meet tools and help that can facilitate a husband in turning around. Men as abusive as R, will fight this at first but when they finally see that their sinful and abusive behavior no longer works for them then real change is possible.
Kimberly (PureinHeart)
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
{ 0 comments… add one now }
{ 1 trackback }