By: Susan Deborah Schiller


Bending in pain, I sink to the ground.

Parched. Hungry. Alone. Afraid.

Blood, sweat and tears.

Don't look back!


Father, I didn't choose this.

I thought if I was good, obedient, and kind,

bad things wouldn't happen.

But it is not so.

Whipped, scourged, beaten, and yanked down.

I'm afraid I won't get up again.

I look back.

Did I make a mistake?

Father, where are you now?

Help! I can't see your face!

* * * * * * *

"Look up ahead. Follow the Light.

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

I see you now.

My beloved!

"You've captured my heart.

Do you still wish to follow me now?"

I look up.

His face, I see.

He is all I want, all I need.

I can stand.

I will follow.

I will climb.

I will finish this mission.

Love is always crucifiedSometimes the pain is beyond description, like thorns tearing into our flesh. But if we keep our heart open, we are following Him. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Don't ever think you are alone. Don't ever give up!

Your wounds are windows for the glory of God. There are two mercies for every woe

Sometimes the pain is prolonged because we fight the torture, we fight the dying… perhaps God is saying, "Hurry up and die!" There is life on the other side! Abundant life! (And I don't mean physical death, of course!)


My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Rebekah Hope May 8, 2014 at 8:23 am

"Wounds are windows for the glory of God." 

That is so perfect. I'm learning this truth more every day. 

The way you speak of thorns reminds me of the "Hinds Feet on High Places" allegory, and the thorn of love that is planted into the heart of Much-Afraid…. it takes a long time and many hard miles, but eventually that thorn blossoms into beauty within her. Have you read the book? 


Susan Schiller May 8, 2014 at 8:32 am

Oh Rebekah – thank you!

I read “Hind’s Feet in High Places” many, many years ago and your comment makes me want to read it again. Yes, God uses everything in our lives and turns even the ashes into beauty, thorns become roses…. oh yes, how merciful and compassionate is our God!


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