Facing Reality: Fear of Loss of Income

 

Choosing Life, Choosing Love

By: White Dove

I've been pretty scared this month. Leaving my job and home behind for a bit, I set out on a new kind of journey, what I call a Mobile Vision Quest. Over 5,000 miles across 7 states, so far. It isn't easy, you guys. It's not like I have a huge budget, or any budget at all, really. I just have this huge dream of having a safe place to house and heal victims of socipathic abuse, which is far worse than ordinary domestic violence. I call it a Restoration Ranch

Even though I stopped writing on this blog for a couple of years this dream has remained a burning desire in my heart. While I took time off writing to enter into the fray of helping victims of sexual molestation gain freedom, my family and I went ahead and rented a farm house. We've each been busy learning to heal, in our own specialty.

The farm house we're renting was going to be demolished. It was inhabited by wild animals! But my son has been working diligently to restore this place. His specialty, in addition to healing prayer, is taking what everyone else discards and making something beautiful. Slowly, this house is turning into a uniquely beautiful creation. He has a demolition project coming up in which we'll be able to bring home a set of rafters with which to build a greenhouse. But first, we need to repair the winch truck, to do the demolition.

Facing reality is the first stage of gaining freedom. To break the chains (fear of loss of income, fear of failure, and economic disaster), means I must step OUT of the temporary survival jobs I had been relying on for the past 4 years, as I focused on helping some dear ones escape from predators.

Extreme trauma often costs us our health. That places survivors at risk of lacking economic strength to regain their lives, let alone get ahead. So the very first fear to face is devastating loss. All survivors of sociopathic abuse know some degree of this loss, which includes not only physical and financial assets, but your health, your reputation, and everything that affects your ability to get a good job. 

This week I do feel overwhelmed. I have a wee window of time in between jobs, so I've been racing to:

  • Write my book.
  • Start a business.
  • Revamp this blog.
  • Decide where to live.
  • Job hunting in two states.

To do any of the above, alone, requires FOCUS. And my energy has been scattered across the whole drawing board!

So I remember what it takes to fulfill a dream, and the first thing is FOCUS. It means paying attention to the Promises God has spoken to us. It means writing them down, saying them aloud, singing, dancing, and praising and rejoicing long before we see the manifestation of a dream.

Even though I’m afraid to invest all my effort into my dream…what if it fails…what if I’m crazy…what if I just need to buckle down and be “normal”…I now choose to do it anyway and I deeply and completely love and accept myself. — Affirmation I love, written by Karen Curry-Parker

Karen sees a new economy coming to our world, and this morning I DREAMED it! I was part of this new economy, as a newbie, a beginner, in the dream. It's so worth it, to keep pushing forward!

I'm renewed in my focus.

And I'm saying NO.

  • No, to thinking about returning to the hotel job.
  • No, to thinking about returning to the store here in Montana where I nearly lost my health.
  • No, to thinking about returning to the loving, caring store in Wyoming that is simply a dead end, economically speaking.

All of them are dead ends that will end up killing my dream and me, too.

I'm saying yes to the business courses and I'm writing every day. I'm saying yes to pursuing jobs that may offer a living wage, while allowing me to work with children.

  • I'm saying yes to this faith, hope and love revolution.
  • I'm saying yes to meditation at least once a day.
  • I'm saying yes to taking long walks in Nature.

Have I gone through life reinvention before. Yep. Is it easier to do it the third time around. Kinda sorta. Yes and no. I think I'm just venting a little bit today. I've been really, really tired for a number of years. This is the first time in four years that I've had any space or time to work on reinvention. 

Thanks for sharing this space with me today and for the grace in allowing me to be real, to live free, and to tell my story! I really am glad to be back, writing. My family is all working on this project together, all of us! Maybe that alone is the miracle you need to hear today. 

Contact me     Kind Words from Readers     What I Believe   My Story

With love,

White Dove

White Dove

Hi, I’m White Dove. Yes, it’s my pen name, and it was given to me by a blind man who shyly whispered it to me in a Divine encounter. Yes, it’s my real picture… just an ordinary selfie.

I live with my family in the mountains, surrounded by ancient forests, pure streams, and mighty rivers… but I also travel quite a bit.

My kingdom career is a Heart Scribe. I love to write from God’s heart and have been recording His living Word for the past three decades. It’s brought me so much beauty, joy, peace, and happiness!

I love to inspire trauma survivors to write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into the future. We dip our pens in blood and write the pain away… as God has shown me how to do, in the company of supportive friends and family. We are writing ourselves into a better world, beginning with discovering our own original design recorded in the DNA of our soul, and it’s the most exciting place to be!

Copyright © 2018 Heart Scribes, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact me. 

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