Your Healing Begins as you Write
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
From the series, "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
Trigger Alert: These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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December 13, 2011
In 2006 I was at a business seminar in Orlando where MorningStar came with a large prophetic team. Without knowing anything about me, this team spoke these words over my life: "You are going to write many books… children's books… books of adventure. As you begin writing your inner child is going to be released from prison and you will find great creativity and joy. As people read your books their own inner child will be released and healed and they will also be launched into greater freedom and creativity and joy.
Healing is first for the writer and then for the reader. Hidden things are submerged until words rescue them from a dark ravine. Authors are healed and delivered by their own hands. — Tammy Hendricksmeyer
Your healing begins as you write.
I saw in a dream that God says my new profession is called a "heart scribe". It strikes a chord, deep within… and I know the place to begin is with me… releasing this child within me, my own spirit.
I have a book by Sylvia Gunter and Arthur Black called "Blessing Your Spirit" and I recorded it on audio, in my own voice, and I often lay down on the sofa, snuggled in my blanket, and listen to the recording… allowing the blessings to penetrate my spirit.
Okay… writing this all out, as tedious as it may be for anyone reading it, has propelled me to make these decisions, subject to change at any time….
- Every day I'm going to write, even if it's just ramblings on this forum. I'm writing here because somehow it causes me to feel like I'm being accountable, mainly to God and me, but in the witness of others. Somehow it makes me more honest, less able to live in my former fantasy world of denial and always hoping for the best.
- Every day I'm going to soak, swim, or apply my essential oils to care for my body.
- Somehow, someway, I'm going to buy myself a Kindle Fire for Christmas and begin to download books. I'm going to read children's books every day… the ones I love most, especially any work written by Madeleine L'Engle…. or fiction by Dean Koontz, who definitely understands the dark side of life and writes with such humor and a love of truth, in the light of love… while specializing in psychopaths…. imagine that… oh, and also Ted Dekker, who also writes about the dark side and psychopaths in the Light of Love and Truth.
- Every day I will listen to "blessing my spirit" audio.
Okay…. reading, writing, taking care of my body and mind… and blessing my spirit… every day… is the path for me, moving forward.
I feel everything else will work out after I accomplish this routine.
Note from the Future: I haven't yet purchased a Kindle Fire and I don't read every day. I still put others first and I hate to spend money on myself. Reality check, that's why I feel drained instead of renewed, lately!
But I did buy a pair of soft, leather moccasins that my feet love, this past week! I do use my essential oils, but I tend to be oh-so-sparing, for economy's sake.
How about you? Do you have a clear path to renewing your life? What does it include? Do you need to set aside funds for something, specifically for your own self-care? Do you have a hard time, like me, spending time or money on yourself?
What does self-care look like, to you?
Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Dearest Joyce,
I know that feeling… "shotgun blast to the core" … I used to describe it as a grenade exploding in my gut. The spiritual wound it creates is real. When pastors and leaders prayed over me, just listening in the Spirit, they said to me, "Sue, half your heart is missing!"
A few months later, some Lakota friends were praying, listening to God in the Spirit, and they said to me, "Half your heart is blown away!" With a hand they circumscribed half a circle around my waist, beginning in the middle of my back and ending at my belly. They told me it was an open wound.
Spiritual wounds hurt so much more than physical wounds, in my own opinion. What you are experiencing is real and it's the most horrible thing I can imagine.
I'm not a professional counselor or anything of the sort, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt… I simply share my story, for validation.
What my friends did for me, that helped the most, is they told funny stories and jokes. They made me laugh. We beaded together every single day, and with colorful, sparkling glass beads I created a 14 inch cross that turned something torturous and ugly into beauty. You can see photos at https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150874271215519.468755.599450518&type=1&l=4f9196cfca
As I bead that cross, it seemed like my heart was being sewn back together. It took me several weeks of intensive beading. Each bead, each stitch, did something spiritually… I can't really explain it, except that I poured my heart into the Cross, with my physical hands, and the Cross poured something back into me… LOVE.
As I beaded, if I was alone, I listened to good audio books. I really miss beading, as I've slipped away from that habit.
Beading is just what was close at hand for me, as I was living among my Lakota friends. I went "all in" as is my habit. I bought a fishing tackle box and loaded it with needles, dental floss for thread, and beads and more beads.
You might find something else. This is just the path that I took. And it took awhile.
The laughter, the jokes, the "it's going to be all right" from my friends… the beading, the audio books…. and a friend who sent me text messages several times a day, just saying comforting things. The spirit blessings…. it took a lot of different self-care methods for me to finally begin to feel whole-hearted again.
I wish we were together and could soak in the hot springs… I haven't been there in over a year. There are several people I would love to soak with, even in the middle of winter…
I'm going to upload the spirit blessings, but I'm also going to make a personal set just for you…. it may take a few hours, but I'll be back soon.
Just know that you're okay and it's going to be all right. I know you know that… but sometimes it's just good to hear it from someone who know.
The bleeding will stop…. and every tear, every drop of spiritual blook, all the agony… God has already provided blessings for you. Because you have loved much, risked everything, and given your all, He's ready to match you, ounce for ounce, and to give you a double blessing for each of these traumas. He's that Good. I know you know….
I'll be back soon…. however, it may be longer than I wish, as a web developer is in the process of changing my website from it's current platform to a different one. I won't be able to upload media for awhile, perhaps a few days.
I will email you the recordings!
xxxoooxxx
Sue, today I am in the aftermath of revelation and I feel as though I have sustained a shotgun blast to my core. This is absolutely the worst place thus far in my walk to wholeness and as I read this post, my eyes filled with tears. I do not have a self-care routine. I write to become whole and to release the creativity within me that has been bound up for so many years. Beyond that, I garden (sometimes) and swim (sometimes) and hike (sometimes) and ride my bike (sometimes). Yesterday, in the aftermath of the revelation I got into the pool with a noodle under my arms and just floated, my feet straight down and my head resting on the noodle. It brought some peace to my wounded soul. I think today I will sit down and devise a self-care routine. Perhaps it will help heal this oozing wound. Bless you my friend.
P.S. I would love to listen to your recording but the link isn't working. 🙂