Why a Wife is Blamed for Her Husband's Infidelity
By: Kimberly Dimick
The Church has held women down for centuries! It is still going on to this day. God knew of this enmity from the beginning of time, in Genesis 3. The church does not teach marriage rightly nor does it understand divorce because of AB– USE.
The church abuses the abused because they lack understanding, especially in the following:
- Abusive men do NOT change. It is RARE when it does happen.
- The court system is corrupt, so women are rarely defended with justice. Women need a support system and those who will defend them.
- When a husband is abusive, traditional couple counseling is dangerous. Unless the victim is protected and validated in her concerns, the abuser is EMBOLDENED to escalate in the abuse.
- The church does not yet understand there are 21 forms of abuse. Physical abuse is only ONE form of abuse. Emotional mental, financial, sexual, parental and spiritual abuse are as damaging as being battered.
If I turned you inside out you would be bloody and bruised! Simply put, abuse is the exact opposite of what God called a Christian man to do in his marriage — giving up his life for her and loving her. The remedy for a man's control is to LOVE sacrificially by relinquishing self to Christ.
The straightforward reason we see so much abuse is because men are not LOVING their wives the WAY God said too. And they are NOT being taught, or confronted about it.
Abuse is essentially a man thinking he has the "right and privilege" to treat his wife any way he wants to. This is called, "ENTITLEMENT".
Not only this, but they think they are allowed to get away with it. He thinks he is untouchable! Men are taught GOD condones their abuse by putting the term "leadership" on it as they are the "boss" and she is to submit to him so his rights are actually God ordained! (sick)
This FALSE teaching is the breeding ground for abuse of women to happen and go unchecked. She is blamed for being abused.
Each man uses different weapons…..but since there is "nothing new under the sun", abusers are all alike in their use of the curse of "rulership" — or power and control over her.
Women are not believed, and thus are re-victimized over and over again by those people in her life she thought she could trust – family, friends, and her church leadership.
This abuse cycle is a "practice of sin". The cycles are PATTERNS of the same behavior over and over again. It is further abusing the victim when she points out the abuse and she is not believed. It is squelching and denying her voice.
The other side of this is no one is VALIDATING what she SEES and KNOWS in her own heart. Women are blamed. We are accused that we must be failing in some way or else our husbands would love us. If we were better Christians, then none of this would be happening. Not true!
The Church, others and our husbands are putting all the onus of responsibility on the WIFE which is OPPOSED to the truth. How can we possibly feel like we are all right and we recognize something is missing when we are thrown away, not heard, not believed, not listened to?
We are blamed by our husbands and then by others who do not live with him and do not know how he behaves behind closed doors. All they know is how he APPEARS to be in front of others.
This is being a hypocrite and she KNOWS it just like Jesus discerned the real deal from those "pretending" to be holy.
We start to beat ourselves up thinking, if I prayed enough, had faith enough, loved Jesus enough, poured out enough THEN I could FIX it and make it all better.
We have been hammered for years by false teaching not only about marriage and how it is intended to work, but also DENIED the right to voice our anguish of heart when we CLEARLY detect something is NOT RIGHT.
Women are not heard. Their voice and their truth is disregarded and dismissed. This is not what God ordained and purposed for a wife, as she is the helpmeet-suitable.
Her very purpose is to oppose in her husband that is not of the truth and not of love. She is a MIRROR. We know her purpose by the meaning of the words in Hebrew –ezer-k'negdo.
God taught each of us here the truth about abuse and what He thinks of it and what to do with it! Sadly, no one wants to understand domestic violence or let their voice be heard in coming against it.
For people to remain silent in the face of evil is to AGREE with it and condone it. Abuse is evil because it is antithetical to everything about WHO God is in His nature and character. It is diametrically opposed to the Gospel.
Abuse IS EVIL!
"Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who PRACTICES sin is OF THE DEVIL; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God"~1 John 3:7-9 (This is only one of a myriad of verses.)
God's mercy and love longs to heal you and set your feet on a solid ground.
You are NOT crazy.
It is NOT your fault you are abused.
You do not deserve to be abused.
You are loved by God.
God is FOR you and WITH you.
God is NOT on the side of evil or abusers
God does NOT ask women to continue to live with, pray for, pay any mind to, give our hearts to, engage or communicate them (other than the necessary things involving finances and children), relate to them on any level.
God can deliver a man but ONLY and IF that man repents and his repentance is TRUE. True HEART CHANGE will always have certain components: Repentance, CONTRITION, brokenness, ownership of wrong, restitution of those wrongs, validation of her hurt.
With love and concern,
Kimberly
Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used.
They intimately understand the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and they also know "The Way Home" to a life of choosing unconditional love.
The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in her posts, articles, and their book-in-progress.
As you venture on this journey with Kimberly and Josh you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in her darkest hours. Today their mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places.
As you journey with Kimberly and Josh you will witness a true life transformation that will shatter the misinformation and lies commonly fed to women that keep them in false submission.
More Marriage Advice & Letters from Kimberly Dimick
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