The “Perfect Prey” for a Religious Sociopath

Here, I believe, you have the description of the "perfect prey" and why an intelligent, passionate, and loving young woman with her whole life ahead of her could find herself "fiercely attached" to a man who appears to have no conscience, no empathy for what happened to his wife, and after the murder purposefully put himself in direct daily contact with young people, as a high school calculus teacher. In conversations with Kendall Bechey, a friend of Tyler Deaton, Tyler talked about his marriage problems. As is a common behavior for sociopaths, Tyler pointed to his wife's "condition" and how he was encouraging her to get therapy. This behavior deflects responsibility off of the abuser and puts it on the victim, another typical pattern of a pathological relationship. Not only that, but if you listen and look with the eyes of your heart, you hear no empathy from Tyler. Lack of empathy and blaming the victim are traits we can learn to pick up on in situations like this. I'm not calling Tyler Deaton a sociopath, but his behavior follows the pattern, as I have observed it. Where is Tyler Deaton Today? From The Kansas City Star,

"Moore initially claimed that Tyler Deaton had told him to kill his wife, according to court documents. Moore also said that he informed Deaton when the job was done. He has since recanted his confession. Other witnesses told authorities of a group of young people who were making sex part of their religious experience and that men in the group sexually assaulted Bethany Deaton. Moore said Bethany Deaton was killed for fear she would talk, according to court documents. The parent of a Lancaster High School senior told The Star on Monday that her daughter was sad to hear the news because all the kids liked Deaton. 'She was hoping it was a joke,' Krissy Johnson said. “I was angry to see how he was able to get close to our kids with this currently going on in his life."

Hoping it's a joke… That is a similar reaction most victims get when they begin to speak up about the violence done to them by "popular and charming leaders". Like we've talked about before in discussing "what is a sociopath", the top career paths for sociopaths are religion, teaching, counseling, and other trusted positions of authority. The following quote is from Kendall Beachey, written less than a month ago. Kendall was personally connected to Tyler and Bethany and several other group members, as well as a student at IHOPU. Kendall asserts that Rolling Stone's article was good, but he wished to delve even deeper into the story-behind-the-story. He writes:

Deaton, says Herrington, seemed to take delight in making Justin’s life subservient to his own, just as he had done to Bethany — who wanted a family, to be a professor and a writer, and to live in a house with the man she loved, which would be “just awful” as Deaton saw it. She gave up that dream to go to nursing school, a trade better suited for the Middle East mission field; she gave up that dream to live for Deaton’s. Tietz’s article captures the control he had on these people, the way they threw their lives away for him. Deaton used the religious discipline, shunning, new clothes, not talking, etc. to control members who were not acting as he desired. He could explain the supposed benefits of his disciplines so well that, as Herrington put it, “Those being punished believed they deserved it—needed it. They believed this was the discipline they had agreed upon together.” At the staff and student informational meeting following the news of Moore’s confession, Mike Bickle said, “There were people there who should have had careers. They had degrees, law degrees. But they were delivering pizza. They had given up their goals for the vision of this one man.” Bickle was talking about Deaton. Yet, in a room full of students and staff, almost all college age, who would normally be thinking of careers and education, many living off of support raised from friends and relatives back home, many well below the poverty line, working part time jobs and giving 50+ hours a week to Bickle’s ministry — all of which is built on Bickle’s prophetic encounters, angelic visions, and the stories of the audible voice of the Lord — it is hard to imagine the parallels are not obvious. It is hard to imagine someone not asking the question, “What makes Deaton’s vision so different from Bickle’s?” (Bold mine)

At this time there is no evidence of anything Micah previously confessed to have done and the case is still open. No one knows conclusively what caused Bethany's death, whether it was murder or suicide, but there is enough of the story here to see the portrait of an abused wife in the early stages of giving up her dreams to serve her husband's goals, apparently compromising her values and beliefs, allowing abuse, trying to speak up and get help, and suffering a very bad ending, as a result. We also see the making of a cult leader… who may or may not have had a sociopathic disposition prior to becoming a student at IHOPU, but whose evil within learned to thrive in an environment that fostered further development in deception, as Kendall Bechey bravely exposes. In my experience, the environment of the supernatural is an open invitation for evil's mask to operate semi-openly as well as off to the side, as in Deaton's example. When one of us, who like Bethany unwittingly becomes involved with the wrong person, what can we do? They are unlikely to be persuaded, but we can gently remind them of who they are. Identity is what evil goes for – it wishes to rob a victim of her personhood and kill her dreams long before her body is murdered. How do I know? Because I've experienced it. Because a sociopath, in arrogance and pride, explained the process to me. Because I know what it's like to fight to get your identity back and how my friends best helped me. We can notice things like someone changing their degree or their career and we can gently ask them why. We don't become Inquisitors and we don't try to find evil under every bush. We simply become attentive. We listen – really listen to our friends and family! When we truly listen to each other, looking them deeply in their eyes, we will be able to discern better. God will give us wisdom. Evil is not creative. It has patterns and cycles that we have learned to recognize. By becoming familiar with these behavior patterns and cycles we at least have our eyes wide open and can place ourselves in a position to help. Many times a survivor just needs to be reminded of their true identity. They get "foggy" in their thinking. Their frontal lobe is damaged and decisions may be made that are out of character. These are "flags" we can all learn to spot… not as "Inquisitors" but as true friends. Most of all, we can pray better. And when evil is close by, you should always pray with your eyes wide open. In honor of Bethany Deaton and all of the other victims and victims-in-the-grooming-phase, let's commit to remember her as she was BEFORE she met Tyler Deaton. From all reports, Bethany was loving and kind – the type of person who wanted to embrace life to the fullest, loving all the people around her deeply. She was exceptionally intelligent, competent, and "luminous". She was extraordinarily talented and had big dreams to use her creativity to make a difference in the world, especially among the poor and oppressed. She had high asperations deeply rooted in strong biblical values. Why would she submit for "months" to sexual assault? I don't know, except that what I do know is that we (victims of sociopaths) compromise our convictions, to one degree or another, to please our abuser. It's not a rational response, but an unconscious effect of grooming for abuse, past or present – latent or ongoing. A sociopath is not a normal human being. They may or may not tell you that, themselves. My husband used to say to me, "I want everyone to stop treating me like an ordinary man. I am different than everyone else! I walk and talk with Jesus flesh-to-flesh, just like the disciples." Within the "elitest" environment, a similar type of attitude appeared to flourish in Tyler. Perhaps like Eve in the Garden of Eden, who was seduced by Satan himself, we can begin to understand the power of a sociopath's ability to seduce us. None of us – not even the brightest of us – are capable of withstanding their power over us when we stand alone. Scripture warns us of a deception so powerful that none of us would withstand its power, and so God himself will shorten earth's days to protect us. Don't judge us. It could happen to anyone of us, but especially those of us, like  Bethany Deaton, who have a passion to help others, even sociopaths! That's why sociopaths operate best within the "closed system" of a small group, a religious group, or a church that keeps its members busy, busy, busy behind its walls – too busy to think or to see what is happening from an objective perspective, until it's too late to make healthy decisions. The most DANGEROUS TIME TO LEAVE AN AB– USER OR AN ABUSIVE SYSTEM is shortly after you "wake up" and ask for help. What was Bethany saying, prior to her death, that caused her husband to become so disturbed, even to the point of dreaming of murdering her, as the news reports say? It appears she was trying to speak up, to get help from a therapist. I write this, weeping, because I feel Bethany's pain. We may never know all that happened. Only God knows the full story right now. But there was a time when my life was threatened, both at home and at church, when I began to speak up and to ask for help. Two of my friends also began to speak up, and both of them ended up dead. There was evidence that I was next on the list to have an "accident". This is why I write. Because Bethany  – and all of the women like her – deserve better. What are we missing today without her luminousity and that "quiet energy" that so blessed her friends and family? Let's together pray that all darkness is exposed and the Light of God shines into the courtrooms, and that Love and Truth win speedily in Bethany's case. This is Bethany's obituary:

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  

 

Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.