The Unmaking
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
How am I to interpret the meaning of a life lived in servitude to a sociopathic husband – a leader of our family and church? What happens when the devastation – emotional, economic, and neurological – forces us to reconsider what we want from life and what we don't want?
In my experience, new friends appear in place of the ones who abandoned, rejected, and betrayed me. Opportunities to advance and nurture talents begin to make themselves known.
God is at work and flooding the darkness with light, filling me with Good things… things previously unknown and inaccessible.
If I can find meaning in the suffering, I'm on the way Home.
First I "unmake the sociopath" who lives in my mind, who resides in my memories, and who inhabits my diaries. As I carefully unmask the monster who lived with me for decades, I also unmask myself – the woman who enabled the abuse.
- I deprogram my mind by unlearning all the ungodly doctrines that forced me to keep evil close.
- I reprogram my mind with truth about my identity in Christ, who God really is, as I learn to step into Heaven's reality, far above the illusions evil presents.
- I disengage completely from all communication ties, as much as I can, with abusive people. I divorce, move away, and remove myself as far as I can, in order to focus on the Light.
- I engage in Heaven's dialogue, listening for the heartbeat of my Father, watching what His Son wants to do in my life, and then partnering with Holy Spirit to do the same. Most of what He's doing is loving me!
The unmaking of a sociopath begins in the deepest core of my being: my identity. I can't change the sociopath, and in fact, even the greatest experts in religion and psychology rarely succeed in helping a man who refuses to love and be loved. You can't counsel a sociopath using normal therapy or ministry.
Victims of sociopaths need more than what most therapists, ministers, and psychiatrists are equipped to handle. They need to find meaning from what happened. Our whole psyche, our whole entire being and way of living has been decimated.
You need more than a place to vent, a person to validate our pain – you need vindication!
Nothing less than vengeance will do! The vengeance of God is violent. It's a radical, heroic, ruthless, and reckless abandonment into the heart of God. It's furious love. It's a love that never lets go. It's a love that is willing to be tortured and to lay down its life for us.
I want to propose "Heroic Living" as the means to dealing with the fallout of sociopaths in our churches, communities, and families.
- Heroic living means creating order and beauty out of chaos, as you begin to partner with God who is the ultimate super hero and delights in using the weak and the fools to save the world. Remember Gideon? David the shepherd boy? Moses the murderer?
- You create your own jailbreak. It's receiving two mercies for every woe, with a brand new fresh start for you life… better than your old life could have ever been!
- It's where you find provision in every problem. You grin in the face of disaster. You enjoy laughter on the battlefield. You rise up. You RUN to meet your enemy!
- An heroic lifestyle means you're never alone and that light pierces the darkness all around you. You walk on the waves instead complaining about the storm.
- Heroic living instead of curses you are blessed. You're no longer prey. Instead of just trying to survive, you are changing the world, one life at a time… or more!
Heroic living is my proposal for ending the pain of socipathic abuse and all evil in the world. It's God's own plan to restore the backbone of society: the FAMILY! Jesus came to earth and lived like one of us to show us how this works. It's not some way-out-in-the-distance reality – the kingdom of heaven is right here, right now! Jesus said so, so I believe him.
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With all my love,
Sue
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