Why it’s not your fault that you keep attracting the worst abusers

If you're the victim of a religious sociopath, I want to assure you that it's not because you're an ordinary victim of domestic violence. Don't let anyone tell you that it's because of your low self-esteem or whatever… it's definitely not that!

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

In a dream, I learned what caused me to attract sociopaths. In fact, seeing through God's lens caused me to understand that it was because I loved and honored Him that sociopaths were drawn to me. This was my dream:

Standing in the alley of a seedy area of the city, pieces of trash swirling around my feet, an elegant lady opening the door to a salon caught my attention. She wore a coral A-line dress and walked with a determined attitude that conveyed a sense of purpose. This woman took pride in her business.

Glancing inside her shop windows, I saw her sense of style extended to the interior of her salon. Yet it was not gaudy or outdone. It was simple, tasteful elegance. Everything was neat, tidy, and organized in such a way to make her customers feel at home and comfortable. I could tell she really cared about her clients, making each one feel special.

Despite her desperate outward circumstances, her loyal customers appreciated her business and traveled to the bad part of town to visit her salon. Once inside her salon, it was as if the gangland territory that infested the surrounding neighborhood did not even exist. Her salon appeared to transform her little street corner into an oasis of beauty and peace.

I watched as well-dressed customers began to enter her salon. It was truly a marvel how this woman did such a classy business in this poverty-stricken neighborhood. There was no doubt her heart was pure, for she loved to serve her clients with excellence, compassion, and love. But not everyone returned her love.

As I continued watching, I saw two women snooping in the front of the salon. They appeared to be her friends, but they were conspiring to ruin her. It wasn't long before they hatched a smear campaign designed to discredit her in front of her loyal customers.

Next, the betrayers spotted a rare and beautiful necklace hanging from the ceiling. It was the very same necklace that the salon owner had claimed to be missing for quite some time. One woman immediately hissed to the other, "She's been lying about her missing necklace."

They entered the salon where the owner was busy serving a customer in the back. Pointing to the retail portion of the salon, they accused her, "We found your necklace hanging from the ceiling!" The lady was taken by surprise and quickly walked near the cash register, where the women had pointed. Just as she saw her beloved necklace the lady stumbled and fell!

Hastily picking herself up from the floor, I noticed immediately her hand flew to her throat where she withdrew a broken pendant. After losing her original necklace, which seemed to be of exceptional value, she had a replica made. Nevertheless, she was brokenhearted over the irreparable imitation pendant, but something like hope began to arise in her when her eyes landed on the original pendant dangling from the ceiling.

At this point, my dream ended. Just before I came to consciousness I sensed God saying.

My presence in her life always does this. It's not her fault.

Rising to full consciousness, I realize it was a dream where you are actually taken somewhere in Time and Space – it was "real". I cried, for the relief was so real. It's God's presence in our lives that draws the persecution. It's not our fault!

John 17: I gave them your word; The godless world hated them because of it, because they didn't join the world's ways, just as I didn't join the world's ways.

^1-4 "I've told you these things to prepare you for rough times ahead. They are going to throw you out of the meeting places. There will even come a time when anyone who kills you will think he's doing God a favor. They will do these things because they never really understood the Father…. ~ John 16

It's because you loved me so much that this great evil, an anti-christ spirit, has been launched against you. 

Your transformed life is like an oasis of beauty and peace in the midst of the war zone. Your very presence, as I live in you, is shaking things in you and all around you, but you are surviving and learning to thrive. All that you need is within you, right inside your heart.

You don't have to wait for the world to change – you go change the world, beginning right where you are. I've given you all authority to cancel the plans of the enemy. Every resource you need to accomplish your destiny was stored up for you since the beginning of Earth. (Ephesians 1).

Right now I want to speak to you who are in the midst of the battle. You married a sociopath and he's launched a campaign to smear your reputation. Using the same old strategies evil uses against all of us, he's gathered evidence to make you look crazy. Pointing the finger at you, he has people questioning your sanity, calling you a liar, and casting blame on you. 

He's robbed you of your savings and run up debts in your name. Yet, his lies are so convincing that he has people blaming you for the same. And, if he can, he will steal your soul.

His ammunition is your own fear, shame, and sense of powerlessness. He threats to expose and shame you. He threats to harm you, destroy your life, and kill you if he can. He will twist the minds of your children and use them as pawns to torment both you and them.

These weapons are destructive and they are real. He wants you to believe you are powerless to stop him, and even if he fails, your life will ruined, nevertheless. His goal: You will leave a legacy of domestic violence and a trail of tears for your children and grandchildren.

Since his weapons are of the world – a fear and shame based reality – you can disarm him in the same way Jesus did. (See Philippians 2). You don't have to fight on his ground. You rise up, as the royal warrior you are. You need to regain a warrior's mindset (click here to do so). You need a team to shout out the war cry. (Click here for more info.)

There's a time and place to go to court, church, police, etc. But in my experience and in listening to other victims, there is not only little hope for rescue there but it often re-traumatizes and re-victimizes innocent people.

I believe the spiritual component to sociopathy must be addressed on the front end of the battle. Prayer is not just for binding up wounds and healing your broken heart. Our prayers create our world. What we speak is what we get. We can make our enemy sick, tired, and so depressed that he wishes he never came against us.

Our weapons are mighty and fully capable of disarming our enemy.

   It takes leaving fear and shame behind.

      It means choosing to grin in the face of disaster. 

         It means getting naked and unashamed.

            It means rising up and running TO the battle because you know WHO lives in you, and WHO YOU ARE!

Does the fear of exposure haunt you? Amy Gallegos beat the devil to the punch in her story, "The unrated truth of Amy Gallegos". Are you afraid of losing your job, reputation, family and friends, and more? You haven't really begun to LIVE until you've lost everything!

The anti-christ did his best to subjugate me. When he failed to subjugate me, he tried to kill me. He used smear campaigns, gaslighting, and all the usual strategies… but the abuse didn't end until I got off his playing field.

I learned how my enemy thinks.

   I stopped being alarmed or even surprised.

      I quit expecting him to see his ways and change.

         I ceased expecting other people to do something about the incredible injustices. 

I began to get my life back. I began to understand that this is not ordinary domestic violence. I discovered how my faith community and family empowered the abusers, and even created them!

You are not an ordinary victim of domestic violence. And if you are treated as one, you will lose everything, as I did. There is something truly great within you, if you have been abused by a religious sociopath. I have listened to so many survivor's stories that I cannot help but conclude this is true – it's your Great Beauty and Brilliance – the Glory of God within you – that has drawn the depth of these attacks. 

My legacy to my children includes sociopathic abuse – the worst form of spiritual and domestic violence. It also includes crucifixion and resurrection, deep pain and suffering along with a peace and joy that can never be moved. My wounds have become windows for the glory of God to shine into their lives in ever greater measure. 

My granddaughter asks me, "Why can't we have a family that isn't broken?" In the first chapter of Isaiah we see that God probably wishes His family would stick together, too. All I know is that Love Always Wins. And Malachi 4 speaks of a Time at the End of this Old Age, when families will be reunited and the glory of God will cover the earth from sea to sea. It may be darkest before the dawn, but a New Day is quickly approaching and it's not all that far away!

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With all my love,

Sue

Copyright © 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller. 

Tagged as: "Love from Papa" Series, Choosing Love Today, Deborah White Dove, Dreams that Shape A Legacy, Getting Your Life Back, Life Story Writing, Rewriting the Future, Turning Pain to Gain, Unbuckle Your Christianity, Voice of the Bride