I See You

I See You

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

"Daddy, can God see me under my blanket?" I asked my father one evening as he was tucking me into bed.

"I don't know, Susie-Q." replied my dad. "It's time to go to sleep."

I was five years old and I remember it seemed very important, even urgent, to know if God could see beneath the covers of my bed. Because I needed God – someone All Powerful – to see me.

It's five decades later and I know God sees me in the dark. Monsters lurking under the bed no longer scare me, but I see my friends stuck in pits, deep in the dark places of sociopathic abuse, and their precious lives keep slipping deeper and deeper into chaos. If you've never lived with a sociopath or a narcissist, it's not like any kind of abuse you can imagine. It's pure evil and it shreds your soul into millions of pieces.

We pray for each other and help support each other the best we can, but like my 5-year old self, sometimes the people closest to us don't have the answers.

When I was five-years old I decided to go directly to God with my questions – the questions my parents could not answer. That little story is written on this blog, and so today, five decades later, I'm proposing to do the same thing… I'm asking Papa God to write through me, to that little girl who still lives in hiding, deep within me… who had no one to listen to her when she told the truth about something that they didn't want to believe… so she hid her story behind questions, like "Can God see me under the blanket?" She learned to cover her shame by becoming the "good girl, the nice girl, the one who never makes waves". She figured hiding was safest and tried very hard to never draw attention to herself.

What I sense Papa saying today is that He sees me at all ages, at once, even going back into my mother's womb and before that. We are eternal creatures, as the 1st chapter of Ephesians tells us – that God knew us before the earth was created. And so I rest in that today, as I write what I hear Papa saying…

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Little One,

Remember the dream you had nearly every night when you were little? You called it "The Pits," and in it you discovered that not everyone is ready to be rescued. I gave you the dream because you asked me big questions, Sweet One.

I see you. I see you when you were little and where you are right now. You have a heart of rescue – a gift of mercy and grace. Jesus left Home to enter a dark world… a world of unending pain and suffering. He left everything behind to be born as a human, to give your world the face of an infinite God to behold with their finite eyes. He was desperate to show them Love – and how Love could save every human being.

Before He left, He demonstrated that love by laying down His life… and telling you to do the same.

In the face of suffering, most humans have forgotten Home. Like all the prophets who were sent before Him, the world did not receive Him. They wanted Him to perform to their way of thinking; and when He did not, they tortured and killed Him. He predicted that the world would do the same to all who followed Him.

You grew up, Little One, and you asked Me even bigger questions. You asked Me to bring you to the front lines. I suggested a different place, a more suitable place for you, but you asked again to be taken to the front.

I warned you it would be lonely. That you would be rejected, betrayed, slandered, and abandoned. I told you that you would see evil face-to-face and that you would not like it. I gave you a chance to change your mind, but instead you asked for grace to go to the front.

I see you before you were born. I see you in your mother's womb. When you mother asked for a child and promised to raise it in the Light, I knew who to place in her womb – a daughter who would be born seeking the Light.

I see you, Little One, in a future you haven't yet entered. I see you untouched by evil, even though they've taken you for torture. I see you so full of joy for what is set before you that your soul is well indeed.

I see you with your heart's desire, surrounded by your children who are enveloped in My Love.

All that you long for – all your hopes and dreams – are safe in Me. Nothing lost; nothing missing. All is restored, twice as good as before."

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Abba, thank you… I rest in You!

Heart of Rescue, by Jonathan Maracle

Choosing love today,

Sue

Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor –  to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can get a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.

Copyright 2012, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. Permission is granted to copy, forward, or distribute this article for non-commercial use only, as long as this copyright byline and bio, in totality, is maintained in all duplications, copies, and link references.  For reprint permission for any commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.

Tagged as: "Love from Papa" Series, Choosing Love Today, Deborah White Dove, Dreams that Shape A Legacy, Getting Your Life Back, Losing it All and Starting Over, Turning Pain to Gain