How I Reconciled Drawing Evil into My Life and Why it Now Happens Less

Flesh-eating Christians and the Pearl of Great Price

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

From the series, "Love from Papa" where I try to listen to God's heartbeat while asking Him the tough questions on my heart.

God, why don't you stop this wicked person? Why do you see him torturing me day after day, and do nothing? Why must I suffer for his sins? Why doesn't anyone believe me? Why have they shunned me, while he gets away with lying, stealing, cheating, adultery, and so much more?

"Little one, I see you praying for your husband, even as he goes to court today. He is late in paying taxes and your own life stands in jeopardy for his foolish mistakes. He's been taking advantage of your kindness for two decades and yet you are still praying for Me to have mercy on him. Even though his family and friends have turned against you, due to his lies about you, you still keep praying. You haven't caved in. You still stand for the Truth. You are a gateway for Light into this wicked part of the world."

We can't escape facing evil. Jesus was accused, betrayed, rejected, slandered, tortured, and killed. He faced suffering with the knowledge that it was perfecting him, making him obedient, even joyful. 

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne. – Hebrews 12:2

Litte one, I feel your heartbeat. I hold you on my chest, calming every shudder and comforting you with each weary sigh.

In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety.Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered. And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation,… – Hebrews 5

My heart is touched as you pray not only for mercy on your husband but you also cry out to me to deliver you from anger. You ran for help to the Christian leaders who you thought loved you, but in their busyness they have set you aside. Most of them will never talk to you again. They believe the smear campaign launched against you. You've been cut out of their hearts, but you still have a Home in Me.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. – Isaiah 53:5

I remember an old sea captain in one of George MacDonald's books. I love how the captain talks about his Lord: "He could starve, but He could not eat bread that his Father did not give him. Which was better: to feed Himself or to be fed by his Father? He sought the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and the bread was added unto Him." 

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death– even death on a cross! – Philippian 2:8

"Father," I pray, "I want to live at that level of trust. I abandon myself to you."

Little One, how can I not answer a prayer like that? And so you shall learn to live in that state of trust, in a place of complete abandonment.

People will reject you for it. They will misunderstand and judge you. They will abandon you in the hour of your deepest need. Some will shun you, for life.

I want to trust you like that sea captain, Papa. I want to trust you with my life, as Jesus did on the cross.

My Little One, you have grit – you are determined. You are grounded in the Rock and stabilized in Truth. I will lead you where there seems to be no way. Give away what you need most: Comfort those who mourn. Confront those who are proud. Believe them. Believe in yourself. I love you. I am in you. I cherish you.

My Beloved, you don't see as I see. These trials you've endured and the greater trials up ahead of you, they are forming a deep well of compassion, love, and mercy within your heart. The very people who are abusing you, abandoning you, and misrepresenting your character – these "flesh-eating Christians" – are merely tools in my hand to remove the fleshly parts of your life.

Like chisels, I am using these flesh-eaters to sculpt a true and beautiful work of art in your life. You asked me to, my darling. You offered up your whole life as a living sacrifice and I am using even these hateful people to create a masterpiece.

I love how you love Me even in the midst of these hardships. The aroma of your sacrifice is a sweet incense. I love who you are becoming… a pearl of great price. The gritty sands of hardship have created a work of art.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ~ Romans 8

 My friend, this is just how I've come to reconcile attracting sociopaths into my life. I'm grateful for the good that has come from these close encounters with deep evil. I don't look for evil or desire to converse with evil, but as I look backward into my past, I reframe my memories with gratitude for what God did. He creates beauty out of chaos, and He's showing us how we can do this, too. Nothing is wasted!

Somehow, as I look back on this, I know longer draw the evil quite as much. Maybe I'm learning the lessons I needed to learn. I have found the pearl of great price, in the pursuit of Beauty and Truth. 

As you write your memoir, what journal entries – what memories – surface today? How can you re-frame those memories to showcase the glory of God in your life? If you listen quietly with an open heart, you may hear Papa God's whispers showing you a different way to look at your past. What today feels like a broken heart, shattered into a million pieces, may be the most beautiful treasure of all, seen through His eyes.

Let's be beauty and truth hunters… for in doing so, we are finding God – and He is Love, Peace, Joy, and everything worth living for!

Part 2: Made More Beautiful for Having Been Broken

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Joyce Lagana November 5, 2014 at 7:07 am

Such love, Susan.  Beautiful, deep, abiding love.  It is indeed the pearl of great price.

In one of my darker moments early in my marriage, the enemy raged through my spouse and instead of rising in the flesh I settled back into the Spirit and let the storm pass.  When I was finally alone, the Holy Spirit began to croon to me that old Bobby Vinton song, "I Love How You Love Me".  It has been "our song" ever since, and whenever I need a touch I play that song, remembering how much He loves me and how walking in the Spirit is the antithesis of walking in the flesh.  It is hard, but oh, so rewarding.

Thank you for sharing your amazing journey with us. 


Susan Schiller November 5, 2014 at 7:26 am

Those of us who have been in the deepest pits, where we have travailed for our loved ones, and where we have fought for life, it's we who are the most grateful for the trials. Joyce, you are one who will not sink to the depths of a victim mentality, but instead, even when slain, you sing… when slandered, you shine… when shot, you sink to your knees in prayer for your enemies. 

There are so few who understand the great blessing, and even honor, in suffering with our Lord. It's His pain we feel and no longer our own. It turns the whole situation around! We are more than overcomers… more than conquerors…. more than mere victims of wicked people. The life of Christ in us overcomes the shame and dishonor until all we can think of His glory, His abandonment to Love, and His pleasure. 

To the twinkle in His eye, to hear His voice – His laughter – His songs. It's so worth the refinement, even under the curved blade of an enemy who draws our blood. 

I love you, dear friend!


Susan Schiller November 3, 2014 at 8:15 am

Faith Tabernacle                     

November 3, 2014

Rejoice and know Me; know Me as I am.  Know My love for you and that I care for you.  Know that My great desire is to walk with you and to lead you in the ways of righteousness.  I know your heart, and I know your struggles.  One day soon you are going to look behind you and you are going to say, "What trouble?"  For, I will walk you right out of this valley of the shadow of death and into the light of My joy and freedom.  I will make you understand My purposes in these days, says the Lord.
I am dealing with areas in your life that represent insecurity.  Examine yourself to find those places that need to be submitted to Me for healing and restoration.  It is time for you to be done with feeling inferior and condemned.  Take your rightful place in My kingdom and be who you were designed to be, says the Lord.  I will help you!  Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.


Susan Schiller March 15, 2013 at 10:37 am


“Whose work is it but your own to open your eyes? But indeed the business of the universe is to make such a fool out of you that you will know yourself for one, and begin to be wise.” ~ George MacDonald


Susan Schiller March 15, 2013 at 10:36 am



“We are all very anxious to be understood, and it is very hard not to be. But there is one thing much more necessary.'
What is that, grandmother?'
To understand other people.'
Yes, grandmother. I must be fair – for if I'm not fair to other people, I'm not worth being understood myself. I see.”
~ George MacDonald


Susan Schiller March 15, 2013 at 10:27 am

"It's time to use prayer to turn the tables on the enemy. We can make the devil tired, weary, depressed, discouraged, exhausted, and in need of psychiatric care. In fact, we can wear him out exactly as he has worn out the church … your vengeance is that every attack the enemy throws at you will be turned around by God and used to bless you." ~ Graham Cooke

Isn't this a powerful way to change our perception?


Susan Schiller March 15, 2013 at 10:11 am

I love Graham Cooke's prayer, for when he feels misunderstood and beaten up, even by "flesh-eating" Christians…

"Father, I'm weary of being misunderstood. I'm tired of the ungracious scrutiny of others. Hide me, dear Lord, in the secret place of your presence. Keep me from people who speak about me, but not to me. I am helpless against the riptide of their words. I cannot defend myself. Refresh my heart and look on them with love. I accept this part of Your cross. Change my heart to speak with Your love and sculpt my life through these situations. Let their hard words chisel away my roughness, forming Christ."


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