It’s Not Your Fault!

It's Not Your Fault

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

Note: This letter is written not to one specific reader, but is addressed to several different readers who wrote to me this past weekend, who have asked many of the same questions.

Dear Friend,

You have a good heart and it's not our fault you trusted a supposedly good Christian man who betrayed you right from the start. You are innocent and your mind could not even conceive of an evil like the one that has daily sought to steal your soul.

I feel your heart and your words… your story… I know deep down what you are saying. The Spirit of Truth is in you. It's not your fault, first and foremost. As to how it came to happen, it was not your fault. How it came to happen for over two decades – again, not your fault. And what will happen next – some of it will be in your power, if you can rise up.

First off, I can only share my story and not give you counsel. Why this demon chooses law enforcement AND church … can you guess? Those are two places women and children go to for help. And the legal system? Same thing. The career for attorney is a direct path for sociopaths, as well, and abusers protect abusers. There are payoffs and under the table agreements. Family law is a for-profit business and unfortunately is not often fair to victims.

You sound like the "perfect prey". Through NO FAULT of your own you gave your love to a person who should have protected, nurtured, and honored you but instead he chose to torment you.

I want to help you get your life back!

May I suggest reading any of Brennan Manning's books… perhaps even all of them, or most of them, as I have done. This, for me, was the first step in finding God's heart for me.  Some articles I suggest are at HERE and HERE. There is a "marriage and divorce" section that may encourage you, as well. 

It's helpful to be around other survivors of sociopathic abuse…. first and foremost, to get your mind wrapped around the reality of what happened. You need to educate yourself, as that is the first step toward healing. Unless we have a basic level understanding of evil – and your abuser is possessed by evil judging from the little bit you have shared – we cannot protect ourselves from the unrelenting onslaught.

You need to rise up! That means removing yourself from the abusive situation.

There is a way to do this wisely, and it's not in the scope of this post to address it. Please don't leave without proper preparation and wise counsel! But once you are free, the tables can begin to turn.

Your abuser will be AFRAID OF YOU once he recognizes God's Spirit is rising up, in resurrection power, in you! Right now evil is having a hey day in tormenting you. 

How do we rise up? Praise is one way. Declaring God's promises and His Truth over the "facts" is another way. You're no longer conforming to your abuser's expectations. You are rising up!

From my journal, many years ago….

The evil you are up against is the worst kind, in my opinion. It divides and destroys from WITHIN! We don't shield ourselves from our our family, by nature. We allow them into the deepest parts of our hearts and he will use everything he knows about you to bring harm, in my opinion.

Yes, he will threaten to remove your children. Of course – not because he wants them, but to torment you. You say, "I have no control to protect them." Legally, no… but spiritually? Oh YES!

Suffering for a season is part of the human condition. Even Jesus suffered. But in Ezekiel 34 I read that our job is to snatch the victims out of the mouths of the wolves.

Your abuser is a WOLF in sheep's clothing. And the reality is that most people will side with him. He's probably already painted you as mentally unstable or worse. People are so prone to believe someone in uniform or a leader of a church. 

You may feel alone, but you are not. There are so many of us! More than most people realize. The church is FULL of sociopaths…. Yes, stats will tell you 1 out of every 25 people is a sociopath. But in the CHURCH there are MORE! Simply because they can hide so well.

The Christian abuser is the worst!

As Christians we are more prone to be innocent as doves than wise as serpents. We tend to avoid evil, right? We cover our ears and shield our faces. We don't realize our silence makes us evil's accomplices

Worse, the church is intentionally covering up evil in order to "protect" its reputation and membership! How can we right this wrong? You can click here to read one pastor's counsel.

If you are up for facing evil and seeing it for what it really is, then you are ready to RISE UP!. Another great teacher who has helped me the most throughout the years is Graham Cooke. You can do a search on youtube, if you're not yet familiar with his teaching, and you'll discover many free teachings. 

Your mindset needs an overhaul…. first and foremost. 

You say, "All I want is someone to love me"- this is the cry of every woman's heart! But until you come to love yourself, the Love of our Father cannot be fully received or even perceived by you…. it won't reach the deepest place of your heart.  

Feeling unloved is a calling card for evil to pose as a lover, a father figure, or a potential mate. Feeling unloved is a gaping hole that no one and nothing can fill. That's why so many of us escape one abuser only to end up with one that's even worse!

Yes, you are welcome to vent. And YOU NEED TO VENT! You need to tell your story over and over and over again until the poison is all out! You need someone remind you over and over and over again that it's not your fault, and that you are going to be all right!

You say your Christian leader/abuser is a drug addict, is addicted to porn, has girlfriends on the side, and is financially irresponsible?

Your abuser is going to be exposed. Mark my words. And it's just as well that you are separated from him. That's a blessing, even though it hurts like crazy to be abandoned!

Evil's time is almost up. That's why there is such a rise of darkness on this planet. God's glory is shining through and piercing the darkness. It's shaking the churches, communities, and families. It's time for us to rise up higher, to a peaceful place!

I have prayers recorded on this site… I encourage you to write your prayers in a similar fashion, using God's Word as your compass into your new life. Oh my friend, if I could only paint a picture of your glorious future, and of all the Joy and Love awaiting you!

We each have to climb the mountain, following Christ Jesus… we each have our own journey…. but it's well worth it! There is provision in every problem. All that you need is set aside in reserve for you, for this is your time, my friend. God's already prepared a place for you!

I hope this encourages you a bit…. you are never alone. You are so much more than you yet know, but you are stepping out of the shadowlands into the light. God sees you. He's wild about you! He's singing over you with joy, dancing and holding out his arms. Please know these words are true – they are written in YOUR heart!

A true test of whether this feels true or not to you is to say to yourself, "It's not my fault." Can you do it? Can you practice saying it until you believe it?

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

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