Does the Fear Ever Go Away?

Headed Over the Waterfall
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
You know God's trying to get your attention about the crippling FEAR that is blocking your destiny when you keep dreaming about being swept over waterfalls. Or you're standing on the edge of a very tall cliff and you decide to leap into thin air. Sometimes I have drempt I was diving off the top of a tall skyscraper into a tiny pool on the ground. And each time I was victorious, even landing softly.
That's usually when I know God wants me to do the "impossible" thing standing in front of me, like Goliath taunting David, the shepherd boy. I believe God wants to fill the earth with His glory and to do that he needs a few weak and foolish people that could never take credit for all the great things He wants to do… you know the glory that will some day be so common and frequent that the whole earth will be filled with His glory!
For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. – Habakkuk 2:14
But as truly as I live, all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the LORD., – Numbers 14:21
And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." – Isaiah 6:3
Yes,.I'm afraid every day. Everything I do these days is "impossible". 
My granddaughter is safe today because I faced the impossible in court this week. I was terrified. I slept very little. My chest felt crushed every minute of the day. It was hard to breathe! My heart was hurting, physically! 
My arms and legs tingled… panic attacks came frequently. Anxiety like I had felt it never before.
I had do the impossible things to make the fear go away.
And the only way to do impossible things is to take the leaps of faith, to walk in the dark with trust – the kind of abandonment to God that takes your breath away. 
Fear gives way to awe and wonder.
It's not easy. It hurts. But it's worth it!
Fear is normal. Courage is what it takes to work through and past the fear, but fear is there. I think all the heroes have had to face fear and do what they do, even while feeling terrified.
I am NOT to fight fear, because whatever I focus on is empowered. I believe I'm supposed to do whatever it is, in spite of the fear, almost ignoring its presence. Giving it no thought, even though it keeps broadcasting its negative vibrations loud and clear.
There's a scene where Indiana Jones must take a leap of faith, putting his feet into thin air. Once he takes the leap, a solid path appears. There's so much truth in that… the leap of faith.
There is no security in this world. My only security lies in another realm, the Kingdom of heaven. It's my job only to believe, and to take the leaps of faith, whether small or large.
Every single day, for me, is a leap of faith. Today I received fresh vegetables from a family who had too much. I had no fresh vegetables in my fridge this morning. This afternoon I have an abundance. 
This morning I had $27 in my bank account, and this afternoon I have $1027. I could not predict or plan that would happen. I just had to be scared and pay an attorney everything I had. I had to let my balance get down to near zero.
It hurt. It made me scared. But I did feel peace. 
Every day I think I can't do it anymore. That I would prefer to have SECURITY, but to have security would mean to take control of my world. And believe me, when I have control of my world it's not pretty. I have to let God be God, and that means I have to keep taking my little blind steps of faith in the dark… and sometimes that includes taking big leaps off steep cliffs and tall buildings.
Instead of peaceful waters, God most often sends me into the white water rapids, complete with waterfalls. And then He comforts me, leading me beside still waters and restoring my soul.
I think real heroes are always afraid. Fear makes life worthwhile. Maybe that's why God allows it, because He's training champions.
This week I'm going to have to faith-walk again. I'm going to have to believe for finances, for food, for direction, for wisdom, for love… because I have nothing. I am nothing without my God. 
I am His little friend. I am His daughter. Apart from Him I am nothing and I can do nothing of real value. In Him, I am greater than fear, greater than the powers that be in this world. In Him I can do great things. In Him, nothing is impossible
We are not guaranteed of security in this world, but we are promised peace that passes natural understanding. EMBRACE THE PANIC! The panic is there to experience in full, but it's only an emotional storm you get to practice on!
We're not promised a life of material ease and comfort but we are led to pray for each day's daily bread. In fact, we are called to bless the little in His Name and to MULTIPLY the little into MORE! You were not designed to hide in the dark and hope for an escape!
There's no guarantee we won't be hurt but we do have His assurance that He will be with us always, even to the end of the Age. He will not abandon us, as orphans, but instead He is raising us up to be His Sons and Daughters on the Earth!
I'd rather have His presence than a million dollars in the bank. Banks are already failing and not much is holding the world's systems in place, so whether I have a lot or a little in this world's calculations, my trust account is backed by Heaven's resources.
I'm only learning how to access these accounts, to walk on water, and to grin in the face of disaster. I wish I were farther along, but that would mean wishing for greater tests.
My friend, you have wished for the greater things. I know because the desire for those greater things burns in your belly. You are created for more. And I pray right now for loving people to encircle you, and for you to have water-walking friends. It's not fun to go alone, and we do need our faith-filled friends to encourage us. I hope I can be such a friend for you. I have several of these kinds of friends, who know what it's like to swim in the rapids, to leap off cliffs, and to slay the dragons of pride, greed, and control.
If you can slay those giants, one by one, there is nothing that can stop you from your destiny, not even fear.

My Full Story     What I Believe    Contact Me

With all my love,


Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate to freedom and fullness.  
Today Susan helps people write their life stories, unearthing the treasures of their past and sowing them into their future, creating new family legacies.

Copyright © 2010 to 2015 Team Family Online, All rights reserved.   For reprint permission or for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

sparrow July 6, 2015 at 12:49 pm

Thank you Susan, your words of affirmation ignite a battle cry in my heart.

This is my third attempt to write back, when I get to the end, my message vanishes, me and computers dont always get along so I will be brief.

My life experiences are mere playground skirmishes compared to your life but still you send a validation to me that I have sought for my whole life.  I too have loved God as long as I can remember but have had an alliance with evil by accepting a co existence in allowing silence and apathy to stand front and center in my mind.

Casting evil in a softer light somehow makes me think that I can make peace with it.  My heart cry it that the Spirit of the mighty God will rise up in me and cause me to walk in my identity as the warrior bride He has intended me to be. 

Thank you sister warrior for your prayers and sounding an alarm for all of us pacifists that we need to rise up and take back what has been stolen from us.  I begin a fast today and my prayer is that I will conform to the love and truth that has been bought with precious sinless blood.

I graciously accept the declarations and words that you have spoken, you are a mentor, friend and sister warrior! Truly your are    Blessed by the Lamb of God.


Susan Schiller July 6, 2015 at 9:05 pm

Oh my sister, dear heart… I have been such a pacifist, myself!

If only you knew how weak I am. Twila Paris used to sing a song called, “The Warrior is a Child” and I identify with that, so much. And yet, God wants us to be children. He delights in using the foolish and the weak, and for that reason I have hope God can use me. Otherwise, I’ve been and am still a mess!

I am so glad you have received validation, because I’d rather have validation, myself, than anything else. When we are validated we are empowered.

Thanks for persevering in writing to me, even through the disappearance of your words more than once! 

Thank you for your blessing, and I receive that, dear warrior princess! Please stay in touch, okay?


Sparrow July 5, 2015 at 6:46 pm

So thankful for your courage in such
terrifying circumstances. .. I pray that God will give me the same will and determination to reclaim my legacy, my children and grand babies.
My first grand daughter drowned at 18 months, Makayla, she was a special needs baby due to gastroschious. She was precious. She had a baby brother, Colton, who was 3 months old when she died.

I held him, fed him and he slept with me those first few nights while his parents struggled with their grief and anger thru those endless sleepless nights.

I cherish those hours because shortly after her funeral, her parents split up in a bitter, and cruel way with betrayal and hatred spewing from every direction with people adding fuel and ammo into their situation just because they could. Facebook is no friend of mine.

As a result, my son or myself has not had contact with my grandson since. They reject me at the door and refuse his birthday gifts. He does not know we exist but he is so loved in our hearts…… Injustice has been served on the blameless…. her family has money and lawyers, so they do what seems right to them…..

I have never cast blame on them for Makayla’s death but the guilt that the enemy has suffocated their souls with is the same reasoning that he has used to cause them to think they are right in denying Colton any knowledge of his dad and grandma.

So My third grand baby girl, Audrey Rose is turning two soon and she is a beauty. I traveled 6 hours with my elderly parents just to be there for her birth. My father is disabled and my mother who was ravaged with cancer at the time, died the following month….It was no easy task but we made it.

Mom was the first to pass away, I took care of her and continue to care for my dad. He is the last of our parents, as my husband’s dad passed three weeks after my mom and then his wife, my mother in law passed 2 weeks after him. My husband and I were involved with their care as well. His dad having dementia and his mom declining severely each day.

But God’s grace carries you thru and you keep on going…

So on the heels of Audrey’s first birthday, her dad, my
son, and her mother split up, making it very difficult if not impossible for me to see her, she turns two in September.

Now my fourth grand baby boy, Wesley, is turning a year this July and I have never seen him except in pictures……His mother decided to leave the state with him without so much a hint to his father, who is my youngest son…… He lived for that baby and sacrificed money, time and at one point even his life for his son and his undeserving mother. She is on the run from state to state so we are not even sure where they are at.

So devastation, brokeness and rejection seems to be rampant…. but we all have one thing in common…

A God that loves us and a mother’s heart to pray…..
My mom was a praying woman…..and so lives her legacy…….As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord……I love you mom, and Jesus, you are the only reason we have come this far…..


Susan Schiller July 5, 2015 at 8:34 pm

Dear Sparrow,

My heart weeps as I read your words, how you keep loving despite tremendous injustice and true evil.

You have written: 

So devastation, brokeness and rejection seems to be rampant…. but we all have one thing in common…

A God that loves us and a mother’s heart to pray…..
My mom was a praying woman…..and so lives her legacy…….As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord……I love you mom, and Jesus, you are the only reason we have come this far…..

What a tremendous legacy, and I believe your story and legacy are increasing in power and strength, because you just keep choosing love and more love. I can feel your heart of intercession for your family.

I, too, have experienced a measure of the same suffering pertaining to my children and grandchildren. There is no greater pain than to know your babies, no matter what age, are in harm’s way and you are unable to get near enough to help… physically and materially.

With Colton, the impact you had when he was just a newborn will never be forgotten or the bond broken. I don’t know how God manages these things, but I have seen it happen in my own life. Especially in the most impossible circumstances. 

I don’t know why evil of this magnitude affects some families greater than others, and I don’t know exactly how they get away with what they do, but I do know that it’s a time of separation… and the prayers you have prayed for your children and grandchildren are good seeds in their souls and that God is watching over them, all the time. He is sanctifying these precious children, even as they live in dark places, among dark hearts.

I know this because I have and am experiencing it right now. Nothing can separate these precious ones from His love, even if for a season they, too, become victims of predators. This enemy of ours is relentless, ruthless, and he’s after the women and children, the weakest and most vulnerable in society.

But we are becoming champions, even as our hearts bleed out from the injustice and pain. We bleed, yes… but Jesus did, too. And by the word of our testimony and the blood of the lamb, we overcome the world.

I don’t care what it looks like to others, all I know is that LOVE WINS and the TRUTH ALWAYS PREVAILS. 

We are more relentless in our TRUST of our Papa God than evil.

We are more ruthless in our FAITH than evil.

We will never give up, Sparrow, because we love TRUTH and God’s love is in our hearts. We can never settle for less than the whole TRUTH and that truth is that God’s love is not too small to save. His love is bigger than all the oceans. His love is bigger than the universe. His love is what holds this whole world and ourselves and our children together.

His love is holding your precious granddaughter who drowned and her brother who is withheld from you.

I curse the evil that is allowing the injustice and I command it to be still and to be silent.

May the Love that pours through your mother’s prayers, even though she may be in the next world, and through your own prayers, and my prayers, and all the prayers of the saints combined be magnified and amplified here and now.

I ask God to move on your family’s behalf, for He told us that if we have just a wee bit of faith we can say to the mountain to be moved and it shall be so. Let this evil come to nought. It must end now. We declare God is saving our children and grandchildren. And He is not slow. This is a time of separation, and I pray that all darkness is exposed and that God’s Light comes bursting into your home and family, Sparrow.


I send you love and light, Sparrow, from one grandmother’s heart to another. Grandmothers have a big say-so in their families, you know, in the Kingdom of God.


Joyce July 4, 2015 at 1:06 pm

Amen, dear Sue, AMEN!  The fire burns so deep within that the flames are beginning to jump around me.  I sense a great awakening — a time of Holy Spirit power seen in the time of the Apostles.  You are right on!  We do it afraid, trusting that God will deliver us, and He is ever faithful to do so.  What an amazing God!


Susan Schiller July 4, 2015 at 5:28 pm

It’s a crucible, and I thought I had already been through enough fire, but the heat gets turned up again and again… till you feel you’ll burst! 

But the sweetest sound and scent is the song of praise on our lips as the sword pierces our soul. I know we will keep on climbing, even through the flames, because the city of our God is not too far. It will all be worth it. 


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