Divorce in An Abusive Home: Handling the Fears of What Will Happen to the Children

By: Kimberly Dimick

Concerning God's promises, I remember so clearly when divorcing Joshua that my deepest concern and heartache was for my sons. I was so unsure how a divorce would affect them and wrestled with it being right or wrong.

There were so many layers of confusion to get through. I constantly had to fight against all the years of false teaching from the Church and the going "psychology" that staying married is better for children in the long run. It turns out that this kind of thinking was so far from the truth. 

Breaking alliances with abuse and clinging to the truth alone is the only safe place I had. That confusion, I finally understood, is exactly the kind of spiritual abuse Jesus HATES. Like many women, I vacillated between a divorce being the best outcome for them as it would free them from abuse and also knowing that a divorce has its fall out, especially for children.

The understanding God gave me happens to be from Numbers 14. We see in this story that God has delivered the Israelites from Egypt. He has shown them His care and has done miracles in their sight. He has made provision for them in the wilderness and has safeguarded them from their enemies. He has even shown them a promised land that no strength of their enemies could keep them from. Yet, they still murmured against Moses and insisted that going back to Egypt was the best course of action.

It was Joshua and Caleb who defended God and Moses to the people as they had seen with their own eyes that beautiful land filled with promise. What strikes me about Joshua and Caleb is that they did not fear the anger and rage that the rest of the people were displaying even though the people wanted to stone them. They stood firm in what God had revealed to their hearts.

God had put up with the Israelite's grumbling and complaints for some time UNTIL they started to accuse God of leaving their wives and children as a prey for the enemy in Numbers 14:1-3. 

Then all the congregation lifted up their voices and cried, and the people wept that night. All the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron; and the whole congregation said to them, "Would that we had died in the land of Egypt ! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! "Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become plunder; would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?"

Editor's Note: God declares his heart to SAVE YOUR CHILDREN! His response to our doubts that He can save our children reveal the depth of His passion, love, and mercy! Please take Kimberly's words into your own heart, and know that God is passionate and will go to any length to save your children!

It was these very verses that God highlighted in my spirit. I had never seen these verses quite the way God explained it to me. I saw that it was not just that God was angered that the spys' bad report had provoked the people but it was that they would blame God, the one who had brought them out with a wondrous deliverance, accusing Him of leaving the wives and children as an easy target for the enemy.

This ONE accusation angered God so much that Moses had to pray for this rebellious people not to be utterly destroyed. God did pardon them but also rebuked them. Again, in verse 31, God reminded them of the one statement they had made against Him…."Your children, however, whom you said would become a prey – I will bring them in, and they will know the land which you have rejected." 

I remember God's still, small voice to me and what He said, like it was yesterday. The Lord said to me,

"Kimberly, I have brought you out of Egypt. I have rescued you from the cruel taskmaster that is abuse and am leading you to a place of promise and hope. I know, daughter that being in the wilderness and feeling frightened is not what you expected, but TRUST ME.

I know that being delivered is something you thought would change everything in a moment and instead sorrow has become your companion. I know you never expected relief to bring you more pain.

I see your heart and hear your cry. I know that the years you have waited for Me to show up has now turned into what feels like the most cruel disappointment to your heart. I know daughter, I know.

It would be so easy for you to go back to that place of torment because you grew used to being unloved and mistreated.

You thought you were honoring Me by surrendering to abuse. But, do not go back. I have you. I have your children. I have not lead you out to now leave you as a prey for your enemy or your children. I would not do that. I would not rescue you to leave you forsaken.

Whatever has happened before is left in Egypt….leave it there and let Me take you to a place you can not even see yet. Leave behind the lies that men tell you because they do not love the truth. Hold onto me.

Yes, your freedom has come because your eyes are open for the first time in such a long, long time. I have promised that the truth will set you free…the truth that was it was not Me, your God, who drove you like a slave and held you captive to treachery. This is not what I wanted for you. I know inside you are trying to find where I am at in all of this, yet, I am here and I promise you I will bring you out and restore your life and the life of your children.

I see that you are trying to cope with thinking you knew the truth only to find out that it was not the truth at all. I will help you put those pieces together. I will give you truth and your spirit will KNOW it.

I know you can not see the next step and feel as if you are wandering, trying to get your bearings as everything ahead of you is unknown. I understand, you can not see through the tears that have burst forth from that place you thought you had it confined and hidden away from view. You have endured so much that has caused your hopes to be dashed.

Your heart is breaking as you sign your life away and every dream you had on the signature line of divorce papers. I know that you wanted Me to heal your marriage, your broken heart and your children but I know where I am taking you. I will resurrect something new but the old must die as you leave what belongs in Egypt, in Egypt.

You will be like Caleb because I will put in you a different spirit. You will not be held captive by the dangers and troubles of the wilderness but you will be determined to make it across your Jordan. I will NOT leave your children as a prey. I will not, for I have not delivered you to abandon you or your sons. I know what happened to Gabriel and Nathaniel. I saw. I saw how helpless you and they felt all of the years. All I ask is that you trust Me and to not accuse me of forsaking your little ones. I know it may appear to be this way because you will still wrestle against the uncertainty, the loneliness and even the tension of your faith. 

I have not left you or your sons as an easy target because I will contend with those who contend with you and I SHALL SAVE YOUR CHILDREN.

Like Joshua and Caleb of old, you will stand up for the truth even at the risk to your own life. Many people will be angry at you and want to throw stones at you. They will have murder in their hearts and want to chose rulers who agree with their fears rather than risk everything to believe in My promises. They will not want you to have the freedom I am giving you because they are still blind to their own captivity. They are afraid too. Be kind and gentle with them as i open their eyes but continue to fight for justice and right. One day others will see your freedom and want to be free too. Yes, they will see their own giants but they will not turn back either. They will believe like Joshua and Caleb that I really am God.

There are some who will want you to turn back and be a good girl pretending that evil is alright because you suffer for some greater good. Do NOT believe them.

Suffering at the hands of a husband or any abuser is not suffering for any good at all nor is it done for My namesake.

Do not go back to your Egypt. Do not go back to legalism nor listen any longer to Pharisees as their unjust laws are of mere men who refuse to love like their God. Do not believe the lies that can bind your heart to falsehood, confusing you.

Those who think they know the truth will blame you and make it your fault but keep going. Yes, the enemy may harass you and taunt you but he will not win nor will he overthrow My will for you or your children. I have delivered you and I will go WITH you as you walk this out all the way to your promised land."

Kimberly Dimick and her husband, Joshua Dimick, know how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and careers, and so much more. Together and separately they have walked the path of Love, a narrow path, a path that is lonely and not well-used.

They intimately understand the soul-shattering pain of separation and divorce and they also know "The Way Home" to a life of choosing unconditional love. The surprising answers to a happy marriage are shared in their posts, articles, and a book-in-progress.

As you venture on this journey with Kimberly and Josh you will experience how God shines His most brilliant light in their darkest hours. Today their mission is to provide a voice to women suffering in silence, shining the Light of Truth into the dark places of marital and spiritual abuse.

As you journey with Kimberly and Josh you will witness a true life transformation that will shatter the misinformation and lies commonly fed to women that keep them in false submission. 

Read More of Kimberly and Joshua's Stories Here!