Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife – Chapter 3
By: Susan Deborah Schiller
In the Series "Diary of a Battered Preacher's Wife"
Introduction: I was once called "the most abused wife" my counselors had ever met. I was married to not one, but two sociopaths. The first marriage lasted 20 years; the second, nearly 10 years. Both of of my abusers are ministers. Friends have asked me to share the story of how God helped a preacher's wife escape to freedom. The escape route is recorded within 83 diary entries, and I am sharing one diary entry per day.. This is not a step-by-step blue print of how to escape a sociopath. But I will provide links within each diary, if you wish to receive specific information.
These diaries are the raw, uncensored heart cry of a woman ravaged by rabid religious beasts who is ministered to by her friends. She finds love, acceptance, and begins to reinvent her life. By the end of the story, she has turned from a timid mouse into a roaring lioness. If God can do this for me, He can definitely do it for YOU!
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October 21, 2010
We knew it would either be divorce or honeymoon when we left for the marriage intensive this month… thanks to GOD it's HONEYMOON! At least compared to where we were just a couple of weeks ago, which was a very bad place! Our thanks go to Kimberly and Josh for showing us what an outrageously happy marriage looks like…. there's nothing like seeing it right in front of you to increase your belief!
We've been home a week now, almost… and already I see evidence of the old belief system attempting to take the new sprouts hostage… but the teaching from the intensive keeps coming back to strengthen me as a wife. I am to nurture those sprouts, not letting down my guard, but instead to demand that the old man die so that the new Christ-like man can emerge.
Where would we be without this teaching? I cannot help but thank God daily for this ministry! Thanks to all of the helpers on this forum and those who hold the calls… it can't be easy to trod through the muck and mire of this world to help rescue the hurt and broken marriages, but I'm so deeply grateful for you being there!
I know it takes time, persistence, and a commitment to renewing our minds, but it's sometimes overwhelming the amount of "world" in our thinking, especially having been devoted Christians for decades.
What a brilliant design God made in marriage… as I look outdoors at Creation I see renewable systems everywhere in nature…. and just like our air is renewed as plants and humans exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide, so a husband when he lays down his life for his wife brings healing to her heart… and she in turn, meets his needs and fulfills his desires. She gets oxytocin and he gets testosterone. It's so amazing!
I look forward to the day we can wake up and discover, "We are new creatures!" I am telling everyone I know about this teaching and directing them to you. Everyone needs this information! The marriage intensive was the wake up call that my husband needed, because otherwise it would have had to have been divorce…. we so much need the Body of Christ. This is one battle I could not have won by myself.
Thank you, Kimberly and Josh – and all of you leaders in this ministry for looking after the orphans and widows… the unloved wives…. and for strengthening marriages! Thanks for demonstrating a biblical, godly model of marriage!
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Note from the future: I am supplying explanations and observations from the "future me" – who I am today – which will explain what you are hearing in this story. Join me below for an up to date discussion, if you wish!
With all my love,
Sue
Susan Schiller knows how it feels to lose everything: marriage and family, church and reputation, finances and businesses, and more. Susan's upcoming, interactive memoir, "On the Way Home," tells the story of how she came to be known as "the most abused woman" her counselors had yet met and how she learned to navigate her way out of hell to a rich and satisfying life. In her lifetime, Susan has served in duties ranging from home school mom – to pastor – to full-time deliverance minister – and to Midwest regional prayer coordinator for a large international ministry. These days you can usually find Susan soaking in her favorite hot springs pool, reading a book (or several), blogging, baking bread, or hanging out with her family and friends. You can pre-order a free copy of Susan's upcoming book, "On the Way Home" by registering here.
Copyright 2014, Susan Schiller, http://TeamFamilyOnline.com. For reprint permission for any private or commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Susan Schiller.
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Note from the future…
I still vividly remember our week-long marriage intensive. It began at the airport, renting a car to get to the hotel. He refused to drive, so I drove. But he refused to allow me to drive. He yelled from the passenger seat at each and every turn, beginning in the parking garage. He wouldn't allow me to think my own thoughts, to make my own driving decisions.
He was angry that he was missing ministry opportunities. He was angry that I had "talked him into" marriage counseling. He was just plain angry.
Navigating the freeway was a nightmare. He kept telling me to slow down, to speed up, to change lanes. I kept telling him to drive the car himself, but he simply refused. He told me he was not going to drive us to marriage counseling. He was simply a hostage to my stubborn will.
We checked in at the hotel and had to wait the whole day until the seminar began that evening. We were about a half mile from the ocean and I longed to walk on the beach. He refused to leave the room. He kept shouting and complaining about missing ministry opportunities.
Finally it was time to get on the elevator to get to our seminar. We sat down in the small meeting room where 6 other couples were meeting. It was a marriage intensive designed for marriages that were either in divorce or on the brink of divorce. A last stop.
He sat at the table with his feet beating the plush carpet, his legs dancing, and his arms crossed. The teacher had only just began sharing when all of the sudden my husband stood up, his whole body shaking, and he threatened to hit the teacher. He left the room, announcing he was leaving.
I almost followed him, but everyone cautioned me to stay in the meeting room. My husband had to make and live with his own choices.
At break time, I met him in the elevator. His bag was packed and he was headed to the airport, he said. I asked him, "So you are deserting me?" He replied yes.
I don't remember what all I said, or he said, or what everyone else said, except that he returned to the meeting room. And that was the first day of a weeklong seminar.
By the 4th day, he was smiling and the happy go lucky cowboy everyone knows and loves. And that's when I began to hope that a miracles had, indeed, happened.
But in reality, it was the beginning of the end.