Escape to Freedom: Diary of a Battered Preacher’s Wife – Chapter 24 – “Theft? Really?”

July 18, 2011

Just when you start to feel like you can make it something comes and knocks you down again….

This divorce is going to hearing on Friday… R's disability check arrived in my bank account this month, even though he had it redirected to his bank account, last month… and he called to accuse me of stealing his money and that he's going to press charges against me.

Note from the future: If R's accusations had been true, I have no doubt he would have taken advantage of the opportunity to sue me, to take the matter to the police, or whatever… as it was, he chose an even lower road… the road of blame, shame, and false accusations. At least, if he had gone to the police, the true offender would have been exposed.

As it turned out, R simply went to the bank and had them print out records showing that I had been inside our joint bank account. I used my own email address and my own password to obtain access. I used that access to redirect his disability check to the account he was using for himself.  Since we were still legally married, and the funds were deposited in the account he previously designated, I could have legally kept those funds, but I did not. We were not legally separated.

I have been trying to be dark, to not address it when I saw the deposit…. I have transferred the funds to R's account, minus a marriage debt bill that was outstanding, that we both agreed he would be paying the marriage debts, as he is taking all of our assets, except the Dodge '91 that is severely disabled.

Note from the future: R also chose to keep my kitchen tools, my desk, my book shelves, my silver collection, bed, wall hangings and furnishings, and all of our personal files and paperwork. Theft… one spouse moved on, moved in with his girlfriend, and took nearly everything we owned… but in feeling guilty, projected his own theft onto me. How often this happens to victims of sociopathic abuse… nearly 100% of the time.

He is not short on funds…. on top of his disability checks he receives a lot of money for doing a full-time healing ministry… thousands upon thousands of dollars.

If it weren't for my daughter and granddaughter here in Wyoming, I would be heading for Michigan, back to my home town… to be with good friends and safe people, but I can't leave them alone here.

My soul has been crying out for peace and rest for so many years. Does it ever end? I know my own soul is so in need of grace.

A friend recommended a book to me to read, and it was about grace…. and at first I thought, maybe I could have/should have given R more grace…. when I said this, my friend told me that in cases of abuse the best grace is to treat the abuser as a dead person. 

Note from the future: "When Grace Becomes Evil's Accomplice" was written to describe this time in my life. It is written by an expert in marriage and divorce, and carefully outlines the difference between true grace and the grace that empowers abuse.

R is threatening to press charges against me, to send me to jail…. because his disability check automatically went into my bank account.

I'm so tired…. can't even think straight. Does this upside down time ever come right side up?

Note from the future: Seeing through God's eyes so much more clearly now, may I hold this enemy accountable for raping me after the divorce, for stealing my granddaughter's innocence when she stumbled upon him living with his girlfriend across the street from her elementary school?

Will you, dear pastors and church leaders, hold him accountable for stealing our hope, joy, and peace? What is more precious? A disability check that was redirected to his bank account or a child's soul? Will you speak up on behalf of the supposedly "stolen" check but yet not speak up on behalf of the severed relationship with his granddaughter?

What you choose to speak up for, church leader and pastor, shows what is uppermost in your own soul. Mammon, my friend? Or truth, justice, righteousness, and love.

This man abandoned his wife, children, and grandchildren. He decided to live with his girlfriend. And you did not speak up? 

You tell me, "Sue, we just don't understand what happened! We didn't want to get involved."

Tell me, dear church leader, what don't you understand? That I'm crying my eyes out and my granddaughter's heart is broken… because the Thief is projecting his theft onto me? This is Basic Evil, my friend. This is BASIC. This is kindergarten level evil. It does get worse than this, you know… but in reality, you don't want to know, do you?

I am speaking to typical church leaders and pastors. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are sincerely seeking Truth. I applaud you. Chances are, you have been a victim of sociopathic abuse yourself. Please speak up! Let your voice be heard. Tell your story.

Saying this to myself… that although I get knocked down over and over, I will not stop getting back up!

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June: considering the fact that your divorce is not final — you do NOT owe him the return of the disability check — do you?  you could check with an attorney, however, if HE is the one who had the disability checks going to that account originally, AND you are still legally married — he is just using this as ONE ADDITIONAL way to abuse you, dear heart

IF this type of thing should happen again, could you PLEASE come to the forum and ask for counsel about HOW TO STAY DARK?

R is an ABUSIVE man. period.

Kathy: Sadly, R is taking the gifts and calling on his life, as God's approval of his "Character" and approval of him in ministry and that isn't true.

Keep praying "whatever is hidden in darkness, be brought to light."  He needs exposed!!

AND

Play!  This is a very important. Make sure you are doing things that help you relax!  That helps your "oxytocin" to get raised!  Going thru this divorce can be very stressful, so make sure you are definitely   "PLAYING."

Alright my friend,  we are praying for you!

PS:  As June said, make sure you talk with an attorney. Do you have one that is available to talk to for advice as you go thru this and walk you step by step?