Finding the Real You: How to Stop Hiding in the Face of Disease

By: Mandy B. Anderson

Web: mandybanderson.com

We are warriors. We are brave when others are in despair. We are courageous while getting poked at, pounded on, and having to be hooked up to odd looking machines for 2-4 hours a day. We are optimistic when those around us start to dwell on sadness and pain. We are the face of disease. In my case,  the face of Cystic Fibrosis, a life threatening genetic disease that affects the respiratory and digestive systems.

I was diagnosed with CF at the age of six months. In the 1980’s medical technology wasn’t as advanced as it is today, and my parents were told that I wouldn’t live past grade school. I remember thinking that was such an odd prediction because I never felt deathly sick growing up. In fact, I not only graduated from high school but I also married the man of my dreams nine years ago, this August. But no matter what I’ve done in life, I’ve always been known as “the CF girl who can sing” – always labeled first by a disease.

But who am I really? Who are WE really? Beneath the tough exterior of fighting, daily, for our lives – who are we?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve hidden behind CF the majority of my life. I hid the pain of growing up with and overcoming Cystic Fibrosis behind PTSD after losing my home to a fire so that I wouldn’t have to face what I was really hiding from! (I know, weird – wrap your mind around that one.) Oh yes, I’ve stayed positive and healthier than others and I’ve done it by partnering with the power of nutrition. I’ve accomplished many dreams on a small scale, but I’ve still hidden behind it, too afraid to let the real Mandy show; the Mandy that dreamed of a life outside of the prison of Cystic Fibrosis. As much as I tried to let myself out, somewhere deep inside a small voice kept reminding me not to dream too big or try too hard because just when it all started to work out, my life would be cut short by this curse.

Warrior, yes, because I had to be. Free? Not at all.

For some reason I couldn’t be vulnerable to myself and look at why I was hiding or how I could be let out. I watched my parents get teary eyed many times when it was time to go to the hospital so I couldn’t possibly let them know that their courageous daughter was scared out of her mind that she would never reach her dreams. I camouflaged it well – I painted a smile on my face and buried my fears deep inside, ignoring them and just living my life day by day. I was always pretty happy for the most part. But anytime a friend or someone I just met with CF died, those fears would overwhelm me.

Does everyone with Cystic Fibrosis feel this way? Maybe. Maybe you have CF, or some other life threatening disease, and you’ve never stopped to put words to your feelings. That was me. “Maybe if I don’t pay attention to it, it will just go away and not bother me anymore,” that’s what I thought.

But the more I hid my feelings, the more trapped I felt and the more I lost myself.

All I could see as an adult was someone who was battling a disease. Thankfully, that’s not all I see anymore. When I look in the mirror, I now see a woman who is destined for great things – IF she works for them and stays the course. I now see a woman who is healthy, strong, beautiful, and who can run 24 miles in a month! I see the real me, and the more I focus on that, the stronger I get.

So how do you find the real you and see yourself as more than this disease?

• FACE YOUR FEAR

If we never take the time to put a name to our fears, then how do we expect to overcome them?

Face Your Fear. You’re already a Warrior – why not slay the sucker already?

Facing your fear – naming it and looking it straight in the face – gives you authority over it.

It strengthens you because you begin to see it for what it really is – an obstacle, not an end.

My fear was of dying too young, before my dreams even had a chance to come true. That stopped me from even trying!

• FEED YOUR HEARTS’ DESIRES

What is the thing that you dream about and haven’t told a soul about? Write it down. That thing that you keep saying “wouldn’t it be cool if…” – that’s your hearts’ deepest desire. What have you always wanted to do but you stopped yourself because you had CF (or any disease for that matter)?

My Dad was a runner. He still is. I always wanted to run like him as a kid. The idea of being able to run fast and far was something I could only dream about though. Most CFers can’t run very far, very fast, very long, or even at all. I remember in grade school we had to run around the block every spring. I hated it! It hurt – it felt like my lungs were going to pop and I couldn’t breathe. I’m now 29 and guess what? I can run 24 miles a month! No joke!

I’ve also gone sky diving and recorded a CD. I sing all the time!

Singing is one of my passions – me, the girl who grew up with a lung disease, can sing and take people by surprise with the power behind my voice and my lungs.

I share that with you to encourage you to write down YOUR deepest desires. They are there for a reason.

Fellow Warrior, will you stop hiding behind this disease and all the labels and statistics that come with it? You will never overcome this disease if you don’t take the time to face your fears and go after what you dream about. It will always keep you trapped until you face it and make a decision to overcome it with all you’ve got!

The world NEEDS the real YOU!

 

Child of God, loving wife, mom to her Shih Tzu Ajah, daughter, business owner, and artist are only a few of the countless hats Mandy B. Anderson wears on a daily basis.  She is an overcomer and a goal achiever.  Mandy walks the walk.  She has brightened the lives of many with her smile and gifts of beauty, encouragement, and order. As you listen to her story, may it inspire and bless you as it has many others.

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This article is shared with Mandy's permission, as an example of how sharing your life story can positively benefit others, especially the next generation! Be sure to visit MandyBAnderson.com to hear Mandy sing! And if you're ready to write a portion of your own life story, we're here to help… let's write your story together! Your story matters….

 

Tagged as: Writing a Life Story