The Most Beautiful People are Formed by Trials

The Most Beautiful People are Formed by Trials

By: Susan Deborah Schiller

When he peers at me from the pillow next to mine,  his merry blue eyes melt me from the inside out – all the icy trials, the numbed fingers of pain that claw and clutch at the last vestiges of my faith, my integrity, and my identity let go.

     I feel new warmth generating from within.

          The old is passing.

Like a newborn baby, I am being created anew. Born again – it's so different than my old doctrinal programming dictated. Being born again makes me think of puppies, kittens, fawns, lambs, and leaping calves! Joy is the only emotion that can properly describe being born again!

"But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture." – Malachi 4:2

Joy, like a muscle that has atrophed, buzzes and burns into that torn up place in my gut – that place where the grenade of betrayal, rejection, and abandonment exploded in the spring of 2011. 

Twinkles burst like sunbeams refracting from the light of his shining eyes. Some might call them wrinkles, but I call them twinkles. He has weathered many storms of his own, and each season finds him stronger. He bends with confidence into the stormy gales of my shipwrecked season of life.

A minstrel storyteller once spoke of this man finding me and raising me up from death into life. Are we not to be Christ's eyes, ears, voice, hands, and feet in this world? For me, Christ came in the form of a man my kind were trained to avoid – he was of a different brand of faith, who didn't adhere to the same doctrine I had been taught. Most of my kind would call him "unsaved" and "worldly". Yet, he is of the very spirit of Christ, to me. 

He is a righteous man, yet most of all he is loving and compassionate. Most of what he does is never noticed. He does not need the applause of men. But I notice the countless small things he does, to make our world a better place!

"For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace; and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze," says the LORD of hosts, "so that it will leave them neither root nor branch." "But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings; and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall. "You will tread down the wicked, for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day which I am preparing," says the LORD of hosts.… – Malachi 4

What might Christ look like today, if He came in the form of a man? What does the word "man" mean to those of us who have married sociopaths, whose two-faced reality only became apparent after we said, "I do"?

Where is Christ in this world today? Why do women – so many women – in our Christian churches today say, "Men are such PIGS!" And with good reason, I might add. 

More than half of our Christian pastors – pastors! – are held captive to a porn addicition. Sex addicts abound among our church members, men and women both. I personally have known church leaders held in high esteem for their anointing, for the signs and wonders and miracles that follow them, who secretly harbor desires to molest children and rape women.

It's okay to be broken, even to lead while broken, but if you have an addicition that exploits our most vulnerable ones – women and children – let's expose it so it can be healed! You need a healer, but if it's kept hidden – whether your own secret or a corporate secret – it can't be touched by healing hands.

Christ touched the lepers, the misfits, the sinners, the tax collectors, the adulterers, the demon possessed, and the infirm. He came, like a doctor, for those who needed a healing touch.

Do you need a healing touch? Are you safe in approaching a healing minister today? Over and over, I kept returning to the church. I felt I needed to be surrounded by believers. Everyone kept telling me, "You need to find a good church!" No more!

God is a Divine Madman, you know… He led me into churches where He knew I would be exploited, trapped, and threatened with bodily mutiliation and death. Well, maybe it wasn't God. Maybe it was just the "nice Christian woman" in myself who felt she was supposed to not neglect the gathering of the saints, the fellowship of the Body of Christ.

Don't be afraid of the solitary walk in the wilderness!

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. – Isaiah 43:19

I have been listening to the life stories of abuse survivors since 1999 and one common denominator of these beautiful people is that their lives have been formed by trials, beginning as children. Some of the most creative and sensitive people have been raised by a pathological parent, or have encountered pathological love relationships their entire lives.

I hear some of them say, "I feel like I was born to be exploited." Their lives are filled with unspeakable horror and degradation, and yet they have the most radiant spirits!

They may struggle with strongholds of fear, lust, anger, etc, but down inside – untouched by the volcanic induced tsunamis of their chaotic lives – they hunger and thirst for righteousness. They are meek, not proud. They are peacemakers, not peacekeepers. They are royal children of God, not losers!

Long before I understood abuse dynamics, I had this sense that these beautiful people just need to be "loved to life" – that is, they need to be housed NOT in a woman's shelter, but in a family home – a beautiful, safe place. They need non-pathological people to invest time with them in the ordinary daily events of life. Meals, chores, homework, grocery shopping, vacations, movies and popcorn.

So many ministries try to help by casting out demons or putting us through any number of programs designed to break addictions, upgrade our mindsets, or install a particular religious doctrine. I have been part of that, on both sides. I have seen some good come out of it… but it's never worked for the people I'm talking about – those who have lived with a sociopath.

Like the slim, black yucca seeds tinkling within the dried blooms as the breeze sends them into the moist ground, so your life stories will be planted and yield much fruit. Let the winter take you into a time of rest. It's a productive time, this time of rest!

If you have lived with a sociopath you may need 1-2 years of rest time in the company of non-pathological people who will simply allow you to experience a new kind of "normal".

These beautiful people have endured the worst kind of monster you can imagine, and they simply need to be loved to life. Most of them already manifest the fruit of Matthew 5-7 and Galatians 5. You can learn from them! They are often the smartest people you'll ever meet, and they have deep rivers, lakes, and streams of wisdom, prophetic words, and strong discernment.

They are like the Grand Canyon – formed by the trials running rampant across the entire expanse of their lives, beginning to present. Most of them have never known any type of normal. 

When you bring them into your life, it's like inviting the Grand Canyon to be your front yard – you are blessed in creating a safe, beautiful place for them. It's not a one-sided deal. These people are fountains of blessings.

They have plumbed the depths of God's great heart.

Yes, we will dine in honor while our enemies watch as we are anointed with oil and our cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES and we shall dwell in the presence of our God and King forever!

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With all my love,

Sue

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Tagged as: Deborah White Dove, Rewriting the Future